25years mlc 10 years pass I FILE #9 LAST LAP

[25yearsmlc]

thanks Jim.

I have 2 very conflicting thoughts.

1) It infuriates me that he has trash talked me behind my back AND lied about me AND LIED TO ME, massively for so long my head still wonders about the stranger I loved since I was 19 y/o

AND


2) it infuriates me that I care about this^^^^ at all!

I have no control over it. His "data" is not real.

His "reasons" or his disorders or his FOO damage/MLC or his confusion/affair fog and blah blah blah whatever is in HIS head...however he justifies hideous behaviors

do not matter.

What matters is that he really was cruel to ME and to our children - and for quite some time.

And even more miserable during our divorce process. Lied under oath, a lot. Lied to our d20 about finances and cut off her tuition WHILE paying for OW's daughter to go on their trips...

He Appears utterly remorseless and possibly angrier at ME, than before...(SO WEIRD).

And now he is remarrying the AP...and told d20 "making an announcement soon" which I assume will be on Facebook ???

(wow, so classy AND brave)

But since what really matters is that I deserve way better than he gave - then my task is to let go of this crap and his centrality in my life, which I have done A LOT of, but then get sucked back a few steps with new "poop",

Again setting it down and turning my head forward and toward my children - to love them as I have for years --- "extra"

to compensate for their dad being "so busy"...so important, so entitled, SO GONE.

PLAN

By inserting my GAL and new life and focussing on the things I am creating, x's presence will get smaller and smaller, I hope and believe, and pray.

I mean, it has to. Will I ever really know why this happened? NO I WILL NOT.

So my mantras must be repeated - and if they help someone here, great.

1) Help me let go of the need to know why. I will never know why. And endless questioning is endless suffering. - Caroline Myss.


And

2) good riddance to lunacy/monstrosity & welcome new life.

Because truly, Only a lunatic or monster could do what x has done. I mean that.

So, removing lunacy/monstrosity from MY LIFE as I have done, really is a good thing.

And it's all I can control anyway.