You will get there......outside of sex (I will admit she looked hot last night) I don't feel that I am missing out on anything that my W has to offer. She hasn't changed, she is still the same person, I don't see that her life is so great, I don't see her growing as a person which is why I don't harbor those feelings. I am sad for my kids but that is about it.
I concur with you here. Nothing about my W or her life is attractive to me right now. Also, the last few times I have seen her, she hasn't looked that great. she looks tired and worn out. Sad for the kiddos for sure.
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If you are really honest with yourself where you truly happy in your MR? Now you might have been willing to stick it out etc. but if your W never changed and didn't want to work on the issues you had would you have filed for D and walked or would you have stuck it out for your kids? I would have stuck it out but knowing what I know now I should have voiced my concerns to her vs just accepting things as is.
I know that I wasn't happy, with the knowledge I have now I can honestly say that. But during it, I thought this is what a MR is about - sometimes it's just a slog and you have to get through it. I know I would've stuck it out for the kids and I hope that at some point brought up the issues, but I can't say that for sure. The 'me' now would've for sure, but the 'me' now is such a different guy than who I was a year ago.
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Unfortunately no one owes us anything.....I am a firm believer that this happened to me for a reason and I am a better man for it. My EW is the big looser in all of this. She did me a favor as I have learned things that I would have never learned before. I have grown in ways I never thought possible.....
Yeh I guess that is the stinging realization from all of this - you are not owed $hit. I always operated that way with others but gave W a pass because I never thought she would back out like this. I have definitely grown and improved in leaps and bounds. The only thing is that I think that would've been possible if she had agreed to work on the MR. I had already started IC and was looking deep. We could've done it together, but that's not how the story goes.
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Just remember you don't want marriage 1.0 back you want marriage 2.0 but that means she is willing to do the work as well. That work will probably not be done on your timeline. It might take D to make it happen. It might mean that it takes her to experience some harsh realities of living a dating life. Maybe some dude does her dirty and that causes her to realize that M wasn't that bad after all. By then M has a beautiful lady by his side, has moved on with his life and maybe the prospects of her getting her back don't matter. Maybe M realizes that she is the love of his life and they reunite.
I agree about MR 2.0. I definitely don't want the previous marriage. I know what I want now. I want a smart, athletic, caring, and passionate woman in my life.
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The dating life for a single lady with two young kids can't be that easy......the amount of quality men out there that are available is pretty slim. She is not only dating for herself but she also has to picture that man with her kids as well and trust me you as the children's father will be the barometer. Most dudes are d-bags and at my age most of them look twice their age and have not done the work we have. I had a lady tell me last week I looked 38.....I was like cool I will take it
That I am fairly certain of too - I know where I stand in terms of quality men out there, and I know that she's going to have a hard time finding someone who stands as tall as me in everything. I know my strengths and what i bring, and my game is in the top percentile. Good on you btw for that nice lady attention
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This is how I can have my EW come over to the house so my kids can celebrate her birthday. I know who I am, where I am going and am totally confident and comfortable in that setting.
I totally get the fact you want to be a better role model for the kids and show them that you're not an angry person. But I am wondering if the kids feel that the parents are spending some time together and are they going to get back together? They're so little that I don't think they catch the nuances of what's happening. Also, what do you do down the road when you have a new partner?
