14 Years on its way out

[Revik]

Good morning/afternoon everyone.
Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Joshua, and I am active duty military.
So far I have served for 16 years.
I am still currently married, and that marriage has been for 14 years.
I have two children, a daughter who is 13 and a son that is 11.
Now please let me give you a historical run down of my marriage.
Right out of the gates it didn't start off on the right foot. When we first met she had an on again off again boyfriend. Her and I started dating.
Her grandmother became ill and passed away.
I did not go back home with her for the funeral, as I thought our relationship had not yet reached that level. I hadn't met any of her family. She brought her on again off again and ended up cheating on me.
I sensed it.
I confronted her about it and she denied it. We progress, even though deep down I knew, I didn't have confirmation, but I knew.
I began to fall in love with this woman. Eventually I told her what I wanted.
I sent her to him, I told her to figure things out, but she had to make a choice, not that she couldn't stay friends with him or anything to that effect, but if she was to choose me, then I was the one. No more on again off again stuff. She chose me. We got married, on the night of our marriage she confirmed the adultry. Pretty shitty start. in the first year of our marriage we had my daughter. and a few months after that I deployed.

While I was on deployment, she reconnected with a past boyfriend. I did not know about this.
She recieved a blanket from him. One of those heavy (fake) mink ones.
It was yellow.
Her favorite color.
While on deployment, oddly I bought her a blanket (fake) mink, heavy, the exact same blanket.
Only a different design.
I got home from deployment and she already had a blanket, I was like crap... It stayed on our bed and mine was closeted. The contact continued with out my knowing. Eventually I got a feeling that something was of.
I checked phone records and hacked email.
The email conversations that I read clearly showed that there was more than catching up with an old friend.
Phone records show that phone calls ended right as I got home from work. We had a fight. She swears that she never physically met up with him, that she was lonely with a baby at home. So we roll on. We transfer out of state, the farthest she has every been from everyone she has ever known. Now, I'm not the type of guy that likes valentines day, or even birthdays. I feel gifts mean less when they are "forced" because of a specific day. I think a gift given on a random june 2nd as opposed to mothers day is more meaningful. I had never purchased my wife jewelry.
I decided to get her a necklace.
I shopped around and had one custom built.
I wanted it to be a surprise. It took several days and I had to ditch out of work.
While I was ditching one of her friends saw me driving around town while I was supposed to be at work. We fought about it, it felt like she was accusing me of cheating, meanwhile I was trying to do something nice.
Ultimately I didn't tell her what I was doing until the necklace was ready.
I believe she honestely felt bad. I felt like I don't know why I even tried.
I was pretty beat up about it.
She bent over backwards for the next 7 or 8 years.
She was amazing.
She knew about it, I even asked for a divorce, and then a few weeks later took it back. She wasn't going to give it to me with out a fight anyways. During this time, a mutual friend of ours whom I confided in, started to develope feelings for me. She sent me pictures, the kind that I should have deleted, but being a man, I saved them.

I did not say anything to my wife, and I did not act on them as I was still emotionally attached to this other woman. My wife and I moved on from this emotional affair. I dropped contact with the other woman. We were still together, but not great over all.
My wife was still devoted though.

I deployed again.

While on deployment I met a girl. A troubled youth, to me, more like a kid sister. I was drawn to her, bu not in a romantic way.
She was misguided, had troubles with drugs and with self esteem.
I gave her alot of attention.
I have not had contact with her in two years and my wife knows about her, but feels there was more. I can honestly say there was not.
Then in July of 2016, while on a detachment I on a bet, took a cocktail waitress out.
I flirted with her, I could have probably done anything I wanted to, but, what I did was go hiking and take her to breakfast. It was on a bet that I couldn't do it. Actually at breakfast I came clean to her, told her about my wife and my family.
My wife knows about that as well. In december, my wife filed for divorce.
Right before I was set to leave on deployment.
Our 90 day reconcile period took place while I was on the ship.

The divorce is not final, there is still paperwork that I need to sign that I have not seen. She is no longer staying at the house. She has reconnected with a lot of her friends from her past. She also has been going out more than I like. I feel like I have to let her do her thing. Another thing that I should add, I realize I haven't been the best husband. I think that I am genuinely a good man.

I am an alcoholic.

I am currently in my 21st week of sobriety and I'm working on quiting smoking. I have also dropped about 30lbs. I am working on me.
I have an urge that I am trying to fight and that urge is working on us.
I don't know how to do it.
The kids help, I am so busy with thier schedules that I almost don't have time for anything else.
I realise the errors in my ways, I want my wife back.
Advice? Questions? anything can help.
I'm sure there is more that can be pulled out with the right questions this is intented to be a quick run down.

Thanks