Still trying in a hopeless(?) situation...

[Newly20]

I so desperately want to say to her tonight --- "tell me, do you still want this to work?"

But I know I just need to keep doing my thing. Focusing on me and the kids and doing my responsibilities around the house.

Any advice?

Haven't read your entire situation but I'll respond based on the recent. You answered your own question. Do not approach her with any relationship talks, keep doing you and be patient. If she decides to come around, it has to come from her.