I came here so many times with parenting questions that related to my divorce. Asking people who have been through it is a good thing, not something to worry about.
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D has no idea of the problems W and I had and the end of last year, earlier this year.
It's possible this is true, but kids are far more observant than you think, and you have a young teenage girl. They pay attention to EVERYTHING, it's a necessary skill for them socially. It's VERY likely that she knows a LOT more than you or your wife think she does.
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All she knows is that starting in late Dec. I started to engage more with the family and 180'd on my isolation that had occurred over the course of the previous 4 years. She has stated she doesn't like the change and wants everything to "go back to the way it was". Not really sure why that is except maybe she is used to having my W all to herself?
Think about it this way: teenagers live in a sea of change. Their bodies are changing. Their friendships are changing. School is different, their interests are different, BOYS are different. That's a HELL of a lot to deal with. Now HOME is changing, too. Mom and dad are having problems, and that's SCARY to a kid (even if you're an adult, watching your parents have martial problems has a huge impact). Now dad is acting different. VERY different. Why?
Maybe she's angry that you weren't acting like this all along and her behavior is showing it. Maybe she's afraid it won't be consistent, and she's testing to see if you'll withdraw if she misbehaves. Maybe she really is jealous that "she doesn't have your W all to herself" anymore. She might not even know the answer.
"Wait and see" probably isn't the best approach. You're in counseling, right? So ask your C for some advice. Maybe your daughter could benefit from some counseling herself. Maybe she needs a safe space, too.
