Hoping this can be saved, but having doubts 3

[reframe]

So we meet today, and walked the dogs.
I was pleasant and upbeat, but not overly so.

Friendly but no pursuit.
She did do a few little temp checks. She playfully elbowed me once walking past me, asked if she could have a hug when she left, etc... But she never brought up the R/therapy talk from this morning, so I didn't. She mentioned that she'd been super stressed, etc..

We're going to sign an addendum to our prenup tomorrow, and she did ask if she could visit with the dogs at my place afterward (I agreed).


I find myself second guessing if I handled the convo correctly, etc.. because it's kind of what I do.
I personally think I did OK - I said I was open to discussing recon, but she would need to not have OM in her life. It's up to her to continue the conversation, if she chooses to, and I have nothing to gain by either telling her to f-off, or by being too eager. Can't shake the feeling that she might have just been checking if the door was still open though...

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

[TBSakaJ9]

[Maika]

Oh man! I wanna know what J9 was going to say. I hope they fix this problem soon.

reframe - I think you did fine from what you've posted. I honestly wouldn't have gone with her in the first place, but more power to you if you could hold yourself emotionally good.

Don't over analyze it. Don't look for signs in whatever she's doing. I can tell you from personal experience that even the most blatant signs that you can think of meant nothing - in my case my W wanted to spend the nights with her in the same bed almost practically naked, after we had physically separated and living in different homes. I thought this was a positive sign - it wasn't. She was letting me down easy apparently and making sure that I wasn't too lonely right away - I call bull$hit as it was just cake eating and trying to figure out if she was truly done. I did it for a week and then it f%$^ed with my mind so much that I had to put myself out there and she crushed me - I will never allow myself to feel that again. So, heed my warnings and don't go down the path of trying to analyze whether she is into you or not - she's not; she's done. It will take a while if she ever turns around.

you didn't bring up R talks and recon options and what not. I hope you validated when she said she was stressed out etc etc.

Just go about your business and continue DBing. Has she told you for reals that OM is out of the picture? Doesn't sound like it so I wouldn't trust a word she says. She could very well be back with the 'beautiful soul' after minor dust-up or confusion.

DO NOT BECOME PLAN B. I can't stress this enough.

Don't agree to hanging out and all of that. If I was in your shoes, the only way I would agree to spend a second with her was if OM was no longer in the picture.

You have your self-worth and self-respect. Make sure you know that. I know you do, but just reinforcing them.

[neffer]

[LH19]

[reframe]

Do we have some of strange technical issue goign on where I keep seeing empty posts?

After seeing the way she acted yesterday (friendly, but didn't even bring up the MC talk when we walked the dogs together) I think she was just doing a major temp check, and making sure the door was still open.

The weather is crappy today, so she had asked me if she could hang out with the one dog at my place yesterday (and I agreed). I'm sure she thought this would involve spending more time with me. But she also went to a class OM teaches last night - so she has not completely removed him from her life.

I think in light of this, I'll send her a message saying I'll need to run after we take care of our legal stuff this evening, but that she can hang out with the dog at my house.

That was I'm not being rude, or pulling the rug out from under her, but I'm also making it clear that spending time with her isn't a priority. And I don't want to be social, hike, climb etc with her while OM is in her life.

[Maika]

I wouldn't say what you're doing - going for a run, bungee jumping, going to a cupcake eating marathon. it's none of her business.

I would keep your contact minimal and if she wants to hang out with the dog, why does she have to do it at your place? Keep the dog for the evening or whatever.

I am just saying that stop trying to cater to excuses to see you. She's still interacting with OM for goddssake. This is really beta behavior.

Just do the legal stuff and then head out. No explanations, just that you have plans. Done.

[TBSakaJ9]

R - I forgot what I posted last night but it sounds like you handled yourself well. With that said there is no reason to do this again moving forward until you know OM is gone and she is 100% ready to commit back to the MR.

It sounds like your dogs are your kids........that being said my W never comes over to my house to just hang out with the kids. She picks them up and takes them places.....I understand there is a difference but why does she have to hang out in the house? Can the dog go for a car ride? Can the dog go to a park? Can the dog go for a walk? Can she pick it up for the night?

[reframe]

To clarify a bit:
She wasn't able to take dog#2 yet. And she is dropping dog#1 with me tonight.
She had asked to visit with the second dog (she was supposed to have him these days) and I agreed. Normally she would take them to a park or the like, but the weather is really bad today.

I just told her that I'll need to run right after we sign paperwork, but she can visit with him at my place - I won't be there, so it's not a matter of her seeing me and trying to normalize things (Which she is definitely trying to do), just allowing some dog time at my place.

I'm not telling her where I'm going, just that I'm busy.

After seeing her interactions (and relative lack of pursuit) yesterday, I almost feel like I wasn't firm enough on the requirements for recon, but I think I'm just second guessing myself.

And, to be fair, I only said I'd discuss it.

[reframe]

Still questioning myself a lot.
Alternating between:

"Did I not attach enough conditions to discussing recon, and fail a temp check" (no, I think I did fine)

and
"should I have brought up the convo again later after I said I had to go. Was she waiting for that"
(no, and she didn't bring it up when I walked with her - the onus is on her if she wants to recon)

At this point, it appears nothing has changed, besides her wanting to verify that the door was still open should she change her mind.



I also like that she began the convo with "I don't want to mess with your mind of give you false hope" then proceeded to do exactly that.