No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[sandi2]

For Sandi, I wonder if you have any input on the issue I brought up about WAS --> WW vs. straight-up WW. Do you think my W is a true WW? I don't even really know that it makes a difference, but you mentioned it is important to understand the nature of a WW's heart and I am really trying to put myself in my W's shoes and gain that insight.

That ^^^^^^^^ was my main purpose of writing the WW threads. I thought you said you had read them, but maybe I was mistaken. If you did, you obviously missed the reason behind the threads. I believe a WAW is a W who doesn't necessarily desire to end her M, but her H has put her in such a position that she feels she must get away from him for her own safety and for the welfare of her children. He may be abusive, or doing something illegally, or an addict, imprisoned, or something along those lines. In other words, he really is the bad guy in WAW sitches. In all of the WW sitches I have known IRL and on this board, the WW is the bad guy......and the H often has NGS, but it's not necessary or a defining factor that makes the W wayward.

I think there might be varying levels as to just how 'wayward' or addicted a WW might be. I am going to write an update when I finish my replies that touches a bit more on this. But essentially, I think there could be a distinction between a WAW who turns WW as a symptom vs. a true WW that just goes off the deep end.

Well, of course, every situation differs in degrees of waywardness. Compared to a lot of WW's I've read about on the board, I was pretty tame! But here's the thing, 44, you can't have it both ways......and I think that's what you're trying to do here.

You are welcome to join the ranks of H's who think their 20 something W is having a MLC instead of being wayward. Would that make you feel better? Cause let me be very blunt here.........you don't have a clue! You are trying to find a loophole for yourself. You read this....then you read that.....then something else......and your mind changes with everything you read.

Last night I was trying to hold you back from jumping off the ledge blindfolded, and today you decide she is somewhere between WAW and WW. Years ago I would refer to WAW's who were in an A and those who weren't........trying to make a distinction, but it wasn't enough. The two mindsets are completely different.

So, since you asked.........that's my input about it. I think you just need to stop trying to label and analyze and coming up with some theory........and just calm down and read the information.

For example, Sandi has a very stalwart view on the heart and mind of a WW. I think she is very wise and majority of the time, surely right. I value her opinion very highly. However, MRay accounts how his W came clean immediately when confronted about her A and seems to know she is in the wrong.

Thanks for your kind words (I think). FWIW, his W was one of those I said I could count on one hand who admitted it. He says they are headed for D, so what is it you wish to gain from confrontation? Do you want to hear her admit it and tell you she wants a D? Is that how you see as a successful confrontation?

I'm not going to keep wrestling you over this confrontation thing. Not tonight.