No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[44tries]

Couple more questions/thoughts...sorry guys I'm really on a posting kick today as my mind has been turning.

I have been strict about any pursuit. For all my failures in accommodation and being too available, I do not break any of the rules of active pursuit on my part. I do not call or text,period, don't ask any questions of any kind, keep my answers short and simple, basically at minimum fake it til I make it on total detachment. It's becoming easy. My question is: W has been working late the past few nights. Would turning the porch light on for her before I go to bed be considered pursuit?

I have been thinking a bit after reading so much on the WW and posts by Sandi; there is a lot of mention about unmet needs of the W sort of catalysing the development of waywardness and building over time. I'm trying to think more about what these unmet needs actually are. Obviously, as a Nice Guy, my thoughts on meeting needs are flawed and I realize this. So, I'm going to give an example of a scenario where I felt I was "meeting a need". But I'm wondering now if perhaps I was actually engaging in accommodating "Nice Guy" behavior and had the opposite effect.

After we had moved in together, a small issue that arose pretty quickly was that I would get a lot of water on the sink in the mornings/evenings when I washed my face. I thought, eh, it's just water, it will be dry by the time I use the sink again. Well, my W hated it. Made comments and complaints almost everyday about how I left water all over the sink. Similarly, I hated the fact that she left the lid off the toothpaste every, single time she used it. I wasn't quite as overt as she was about the water, but I would lightheartedly mention she never puts the cap back or give her a friendly reminder to please to try and remember. She clearly knew it was something that bothered me.

It didn't take long before I listened to her complaints about the water. I got a designated towel and put up a hook for it, so I could have a system in place to easily wipe up the water. To this day, I cannot wash my face without cleaning the sink afterward because I knew it was something she cared about and wanted to make sure I listened and she knew I cared that she cared. In my mind, I'm thinking this is one small thing of many that I'm doing to be a great H. Meanwhile, I've never seen her make any effort to cap the toothpaste. Sometimes I see it sitting there uncapped while I'm cleaning the water and it makes my blood boil a bit. Where did my thinking go wrong here? Was I too accommodating by cleaning up the water when she wasn't willing to reciprocate? Was it a covert contract?

Not trying to turn this into a "what do women want" question. I'm just trying to identify the parts of NGS I need to get rid of and eliminate my wrong ideas about what being a "good H" means.