The biggest issues lately were her feeling like I dont support her or believe in . shes got some pretty lofty goals as an athlete (olympics) and she thinks I dont believe she can accomplish them.
It sounds like you've been supporting her financially throughout her training effort, but what about emotionally? Have you been making her feel like she's in over her head or is that just her perception? Also, and this is a more tricky question- IS she in over her head? Are her actual abilities falling far short of her goals? I've been there before, trying to support someone in their efforts while also trying to figure out how to be honest with them as their expectations were well beyond their actual abilities. There's this belief that's particularly popular among younger people that you can do anything you set your mind to, but realistically some people are genetically gifted athletes and others are not. It's great to try to achieve goals but I'm also a big believer in being realistic.
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I pay for just about everything so she can go to school and train full time. I think i saw that as support where as she may have needed more on the emotional side.
OK so you partially answered the above, and I am sure you are right about that. Strangely when you support someone financially they can come to resent you for it, especially if you're not giving them the emotional support with it.
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I also have a hobby that takes up a lot of time though my goals arent as lofty. I thought having something I was interested in would give us each something to do. When I quit drinking I had so much time and she was always training so i needed to stay busy.
I would say you are taking the right approach there, you SHOULD have your own interests. My ex and I always talked about how one of the things that made our M strong was that we had common interests AND separate interests. We did some things together and some things apart. That's part of a healthy relationship. M's can fail anyway (as mine shows) but you maintaining some independence is certainly not the problem.
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She's got friwnds around her who are very suppoetive and encouraging. I guess she feels like I wasnt a good enough cheerleader. Ive always been proud of her accomplishments and hard work. I'm just not a very ra-ra person.
I can personally relate to that, but you need to change. You need to become a very ra-ra person! Not so easy, but it pays off in your relationships with your W and kids big time.
Originally Posted By: JujuB
"She was looking at you under a microscope to see if your changes were real"
Is this really how anyone wants to live for 3 years? Under a microscope?
We all originally came here or are here now because we're being subjected to a change of life that we do not want, so I'm not really sure what your question is. Of course no one wants to live under a microscope. No one "wants" to DB either, and no one "wants" to get BD'd, or separated, or divorced. Part of DB'ing is changing yourself and giving your spouse space and time to appreciate your changes. It can take years. It is not fun. No one does it by choice, it is hard work.
