Yeah I know man. My W told me that she was unhappy during the whole MR - which was news to me because I remember plenty of happiness. She had rewritten the entire marital history, and it made me feel like $hit.
You come to realize that they have distorted the history to justify and rationalize their decision. So, you have to let it dust off your shoulders - easier said than done, i know.
That's why slow down, reflect, and GAL. All good stuff for self-care. You are not as horrible as she's making you out to be. And if I read it correctly, I think this is totally about her and her issues, and nothing to do with you. jujuB has already pointed that out so I won't regurgitate.
So true. I think hearing the rewriting of the MR history is probably one of the hardest things to hear. One other thing I read is that when the WAS does this, it is usually because they are projecting the last few weeks, month, or years onto the entire MR. So if you were married for 20 years, she was unhappy for the last year, that last year will be really what she is talking about.
When my wife drop the "I don't want to be married anymore" bomb she then went on to say that she had tried to make things better for 19 years. Remember, they blame you for all of it. They take no blame themselves. There are always plenty of things both spouses did or didn't do to get the MR to the point it is. Rarely, can it all be pinned on one spouse. (Usually in those cases it is physical abuse.)
Maika is dead on here. Don't put a lot of stock into the history. Before I found DBing I thought, "Wow, she was so unhappy for 19 years, there is no hope." I took what she was saying at face-value until it was pointed out to me that she was rewriting history. I could back to lots of times, some good some bad, where our MR was really good. And she was as much at fault during the times it wasn't as I was, in many cases more!
But yes, to hear your spouse, whom you love, say that they've never been happy is very hard. Until you realize that it is just not true.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
