No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[44tries]

Hi 44, I will echo what Sandi and MRay have given you for advice. I have not followed MRays thread but will look it up as it sounds very similar to mine. I have basically been in an in house separation since January. I wish I had handled the BD differently and I wish I had not confronted my WW about the A (she told me she had feelings for him earlier on but the conversations could stop). Like Sandi said WW will act like the A has nothing to do with the sitch...my W said the A has nothing to do with our Sitch and feels it's a side effect (which I think is another way they justify it to themselves).I felt the conversation didn't stop and snooped later on. I was sick and heart broke to what I found. I held it in until one day got sucked into a R convo. It was the last time for a R talk because I refuse to bring up A or any R talk now and if she does I will walk away or leave the house like I should have done then. Why confront unless you are leaving? Confronting her does not change what either one of you knows and if you don't have a plan of action for yourself, nothing will change. I am committed to being the stable logical parent for my kids and will not leave my house so it leaves me stuck and looking weak because nothing changed after I confronted her about the text (which she looked straight at me and said "I don't remember typing that"). My W told me she was going to move out at the end of April. Now that time is approaching I'm beginning to wonder if she will. If she doesn't, I can either file for D or continue this battle of standing while working to validate, GAL, and stay calm/be the light house. It is tough but once you except it and control your emotions and negative thoughts, it seems to get a bit easier. I have accepted the affair has happened and how I played a part in the MR failure leading up to the A. A piece of advice that has helped me each day is to say to myself often "stay calm" while trying to be the best father and man I can be.

Thank you for your input, Natash. Very sage advice and some that has helped me get to a place of peace today. Seriously, your input is gold. I am in the exact same situation where I am not in a place where I can physically leave the house and this makes the confrontation essentially meaningless. What you say about continuing your battle of GAL/validation/lighthouse is sort of my 'alternative' to confrontation, but your story really helps show that it is what will end up happening anyway.