No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[44tries]

Yes, and that's another reason I don't think you would get your desired results if you confronted your W about her A, at this time. She could always throw it up that you are separated.

Excellent point, and one that will be part of my update.

I don't believe in-house separation works b/c the couple is not separated. Like you said, you are going on dates and outings, fixing her something to eat, catering to her.........so other than not sleeping together, what has changed due to the separation?

Right. It is certainly MUCH harder to create any real separation, if not almost impossible. I could start refusing to do any of that stuff, but then the cohabitation just becomes even more miserable.

Some people believe if the couple is separated, they are free to date. Whatever your personal view......and your W's views.......it is still not like being physically separated. Were any ground rules established when this in-house separation took place? (Don't say anything to her about it, I'm just asking you).

Don't repeat anything you read to your W........unless we tell you to say something specifically.

There were not. Only 'rule' is we don't sleep in the same bed anymore. As for being free to date, personally I am not okay with that and objectively I think my W would say the same. However, I think this is obviously a very real issue for her at the moment. Like you mentioned before, I am beginning to realize that she might not even view this as an A. I really need to get to that update...where I will write more.

Your W takes you for granted. You can cause mystery and draw interest if you'll follow a few things I suggest. Women are curious by nature, so expect her to drill you about your whereabouts and activity and who is with you. Don't lie to her, but be vague. Use as few words as possible to answer.

You wanted to shake her up, so why don't you start being gone when she gets home from work? Do this a few times through the week, staying out a little bit longer every time. Let her fix her own dinner. Then by the weekend, have something planned that will keep you out really late. After all, you are separated, aren't you? The first time you are gone when she gets home, she'll be calling, wanting to know where you are and when you intend to fix her dinner. Just tell her to go ahead and eat without you, and you'll be home in a while. If she wants to know what you are doing.........how will you respond? Remember, few words.

When you are home, always have something you are doing, so you don't follow her around.....and so that you aren't eager to talk with her. Do not accommodate her. That is going to be a new rule for you, I hope. The only exceptions is if she is sick, or something like that, okay? Don't try to sound like a jerk, but neither should you be too concerned about it. I can say this to you in your particular sitch, b/c you are too nice. You need to break some bad habits that you've formed in this relationship.

I'm going to start a list, and you may want to add to it. These are your No More Rules.

* No more being her errand boy whenever she is in another part of the house and wants you to take something to her.
* No more fixing her food whenever she says she doesn't know what she wants to eat.
* No more changing your plans when she tells you, without fair notice, she wants you to help her in the yard, or some other job that will take a considerable amount of time.
* No more hungrily waiting to talk with her when she gets home from work.
* No more over-explaining yourself.

This is all EXCELLENT, thank you so much. I just need to jump straight into the deep-end with doing all this to the greatest extent possible and realize that this is the most productive shake-up I can do right now. I will definitely think more about that "No More" rules list and add to it later today.