No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[44tries]

How do you envision a confrontation?

Good question. I have been thinking about it a lot today. I don't want to be angry or self-righteous. I don't want to prepare a wordy speech and end up looking like a wimp with a canned monologue. If I do confront her, I want to be real and honest; I want her to know that I know exactly what she's done and that she utterly betrayed the copious amounts of trust I extended to her. Mostly, I want her to feel deep down in her heart that there is a very real chance she could not earn back that trust even if she wanted to. It can be simple and firm, but I want her to feel like I'm the one dumping her for crossing that line. If I do it, I'm prepared to give up all our friendly dates and outings. She can feel what it's like not to call on me for anything. No more asking me to bring her a snack or trying to tell me she's going to the store and then 5 minutes later asking if I want to join her. I will be closed for anything than other than civil neighborly interaction.

Now, I realize that might not have answered your question. How do I actually think a confrontation would go? I honestly can't tell you with any real certainty how I think she would react. She claims to care so much about hurting me, how sorry she is for all of it. But then she lied, even after being explicitly told it will hurt me more. She knowingly chose to do the most hurtful thing she could do to me. That is so far from my expectation and familiarity of her 'normal' behavior that I can't really begin to guess how she will respond to it being out in the open. I guess it depends how 'wayward' her heart really is. I could see 3 responses. 1. Guilt. She is overwhelmed with guilt and breaks down and apologizes (don't worry, I know this would just be selfish soothing for herself) 2. Shut down. No real response at all. Just saying okay to whatever I decide to say. 3. Defensiveness. Getting angry and nasty, grilling me on whether I snooped, trying to turn the heat off of herself.