No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[44tries]

I don't hope to "gain" anything. There is nothing I need to know. I know confronting her is not some magical fix to my pain or the MR, and my job will become much harder if I do it.

In some ways, it feels like an opportunity to show self-respect, leadership, and the fact that I have a spine. What better way than to draw a hard line and make it clear this behavior is completely unacceptable and won't be tolerated. Sandi always talks about making the W feel like she's the one being dumped. Well, I could certainly use this to try to turn the tables. The problem is it's sort of an all or nothing gamble; I have to be prepared to truly drop her. I have already lost her, though, so I don't really have anything to lose in the gamble. Everyone says the turning point is when your W knows (not thinks) she's lost you.

On the other side of the coin, it's hard to give up the perceived opportunity to DB in much calmer waters. I have to live in this house with her. We are on good terms now. In fact, if it weren't for the A, I would be pretty hopeful. MWD talks about the 3rd step being to watch, watch, watch. Look for signs of interest and improvement. Well, my W is the one who follows me around the house like a puppy. I am the one to politely close the door in her face when it's bedtime because she lingers. Anything she does that isn't work, she invites me to come along. I can definitely see the appeal to ignoring the A (especially since it's so fantasy-based), and trying to build on the positive signs.

Ultimately, I want to do what's best for me. I don't want to focus on her or the MR. Of course I care about that, but it doesn't take priority over my well-being. That's why some alarm bells went off when I got the feedback that I can't suffer in silence. But again, I'm trying to be objective. ForGump and doodler are right, though--I don't want to treat this like a chess game or any type of game at all. Perhaps that only leaves one choice...