I dont buy it. You are blaming yourself for everything and not looking at your ex and what she's saying and doing. And until your fog dissipitates, it's gonna be a lot of guilt and self blame.
You're allowed to have a hobby that keeps you healthy. If she is telling you stuff along the lines of shes leaving cause you didn't give her enough attention, she is only gaslighting you.
Maybe go to therapy? Learn more about healthy relationship dynamics. Develop your self esteem.
