Thanks one and all for the wonderful support. Bttrfly - I loved the quote. Cil, Coly, Roist, Irish and Job, special thanks.
I know I have been MIA. It is a slog over here.
The amount of anger oozing out of my ex is truly extraordinary. It is exactly as it written: he looks to start fights and stir up drama where there are absolutely no problems whatsoever. I see tons and tons of control issues surfacing.
There are loads of childish threats: "I offered you my friendship but now I retract it." This is one he's stated a few times and he retracts "the friendship" anytime I do something he doesn't like. For example- me: I'd like to see your 401k statements since the ones you gave to your lawyer are from 2015 when you falsely claim the m ended. Him: crazy whirling reminiscent of the Tasmanian Devil followed by an email declaring "the friendship is over!"
It takes everything in me NOT to reply back: THANK GOODNESS! Now leave me alone. He is a constant presence in my life.
Here's a funny story. I think Job will get a kick out of this one. One night when ex had the kids they needed to come back here for some of their stuff. And they told me ex needed my stapler! I went out to the car and politely asked him to purchase one as I really needed this one here for the kids. Spoiler alert: he got angry. He told me the stapler was 50% his and rolled up the car window on me. Ugh. He think I am his personal Walmart.
There are so, so many examples of control issues. He tried to file our joint taxes without me seeing them! No joke. And then a few days before the deadline I contacted the accountant to ask what was going on? Where are my taxes? I had lost track of time. Well, he gave them to ex. And so I tell ex I need to see those and I need to sign so we can file. Silly me is thinking he's a space cadet and is going to miss the deadline. Nope. He purposely sent them off without my signature and said it wasn't needed! I sent him a pic of the instructions saying both spouses MUST sign to file. Quite astounding that he thinks I don't need to see my taxes.
And of course there was an asset there which was not declared on his statements to his lawyer.
We have business with a woman who had to interact with him on something. I politely forewarned her ex is not himself. I told her when she made that request she better be ready to block him a she would text her 20 times. She downplayed it. Days later she got a dose of what I was talking about as ex texted her a zillion times about nothing really; creating a problem where there was none. Then she came back saying he was nuts. Yep.
Otherwise, I am focusing on the good in my life. I am being supported by friends and family. Many, many people have come forward to be there for me. One friend said she's there for me "for better or for worse." And she has been.
There are so many wonderful people in my life. Here's one small example. When ex wouldn't give me one of our cars after my accident (because he drives the dog in that car!) a friend at work loaned me her dad's car as he was out of the country. This friend is not very well to do. When I returned the car I paid her a good part of what I would have paid for a rental as thanks to her I had the time to car shop without stressing about the costs of a rental.
When I gave her the money, I suspected she would use it to visit her mom who lives in Mexico. She has been wanting to see her for a while and doesn't have the funds. The day I gave her the money she said: "guess what I am going to do with it?" I said: "see your mom!" She said: "no, this will make you cry" (she has seen me cry quite a bit these last few months and knows me well). She gave the money to a distant relative she never met who fell off a ladder and needs quite a bit of rehab. She is one of the most extraordinary real people I have ever met. She is a giver.
When you file in CA, there is a mandatory 6 month "cooling off period" until the d can be finalized. Cracks me up that this is THE cool off period! It is the worst he's ever been. I think the last few years was just a simmering for him.
Each day I just thank goodness I made it another day. And all I think is someday this will come to an end. Someday this will be in the rear view mirror of my life.
