No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[44tries]

44tries:
I'm very sorry you are in your situation.

In your first post you asked, "Do I keep trying?"

Step back from all the details of your situation and take a look at the big picture:

- You two are young.
- Your wife wasn't sure she wanted to marry you.
- Your wife isn't sure she's attracted to you.
- Your marriage broke down only a year or into the marriage.

Divorce busting baaaaaarely works for those who had a VERY solid marriage to begin with, if they had a strong, healthy fundamental connection that formed the foundation of the marriage.

My answer to your question: No.

Let her go. Let yourself go from a mistake you both made. Move on with your life. You are young. Life is long.

Thank you for your honesty. I think it is easy to feel you are fighting the valiant fight, determined to save the marriage no matter what. But I am not blind to the fact that sometimes this fight is not one of courage and perseverance, but one of fear and desperation. I have spent a lot of time looking at the same big picture you lay out here, even before this particular crisis began. Despite the immense pain and sorrow it brings me, I have made peace with the fact that there is a strong chance you are right.

I may never know exactly how my wife's feelings for me have ebbed and flowed over the years we have been together. I will never know just how sure or unsure she was the day she vowed to love me forever. The only thing I can be sure of is myself and the level of love and commitment I have. I do not want my old marriage back and neither does my W. My DB efforts are not an attempt to lure her back and hold her prisoner. Rather to challenge myself to face my own flaws and contributions to the breakdown, and change permanently for the better. I want to use the profound effect this experience has had on me to fuel positive growth and awareness in myself that otherwise may not have been possible. If there is some tiny chance my wife looks up and sees a man who reminds her that we did at one time have an intense love and connection and maybe there is something salvageable, then great. If not, I am okay with the fact some things are broken beyond repair and were never meant to be. I can walk away not with the regret of a 'mistake', but with a lot of great memories and the closure of a chapter that was instrumental in shaping and pushing me to be the man I will become.