Can I really do this?

[Dtrmned]

Hot off the presses....

Last evening my D had her regular school conference. I got home a little early to get my run in prior. On my run W texts me that we need to talk after the conference.

Conference goes well, my D is having a good week and has communicated with both my W and I very well this and is upbeat. so VERY GOOD!

Got home, kids went to watch some tv and sat down with W. She mentioned that her goal is of course to move out on her own. I knew this, and totally expected this. What I didn't expect is that she is wanting to move to a city that is over an hour away from where we are now. AND she said she wants to do it over the summer. Says that she and the kids (and agreed that all of us) need a fresh start. I agreed that we need a fresh start. Unfortunately, moving our children over an hour away and we are stuck in the home we have now until the end of January really doesn't work for me. How am I going to have the kids every other week (what we agreed to)? I can't drive them an hour each way to school half the time. Just not possible nor is it fair to me. Her suggestion is that I just move up there as well. We used to live in this town 7 years ago and we both loved it there so that wouldn't really be a problem for me. We discussed finances and she is actually being very reasonable on what she is asking for. I think we would be very close on our numbers so I am thankful for that. With the same breath I don't know how she would make it. Again, not my problem any longer, but my concern is where our children will be half the time. The city she is speaking of is much more expensive than the one we are in now. The most expensive county in the state and it is estimated that you need a household income of at least 100k to live there. Glancing at apartments for them (she said she wants an apt) 3bdr/2ba are running right at 2k/mo. I'm no genius (obviously) but it doesn't take that to do the math. No job, no income, how would she get accepted on a lease? and how would she even pay her bills? again, I know not my problem, but my concern is of course for her well being and our children. It would be a challenge for a little while for me to even do it. I went through our lease this morning and I don't see a way for us to get out of it. I don't want to "lose" our children for 6 months. Looking at the school ratings, the ones they are in now are excellent compared to only average where the suggested move would be. The complaint from my W is she hates where she is at (shocker!) needs the fresh start and is trying to justify that the kids need a fresh start as well. The challenges of a new school are tough. My children have been in this school district their entire lives (almost D had 1st grade in the city we are speaking about). When I was a child, we moved constantly and I changed elementary schools 5 times and then went to a high school that I didn't know a soul when I showed up. Throw that in with the transition of mommy and daddy parting ways. I am unsure as to how this would play out. It may be the best thing for everyone. I don't know if it is financially feasible either. The charge, if we could negotiate, to break the lease would be substantial. Deposits, moving costs and upfront rent would be substantial as well. I voiced a few concerns and said we could discuss and delve in further, but I would not be for having our children apart from either of us for 6ish months.

She then said something that caught me off guard. I recovered quickly. She said "I have to ask a couple of questions" Ok.

"for the last 2 months you haven't been your angry freaky short fused self. You are your old self. You are working out , eating better, friendly, playful with the kids, helping out more, whats up with that?"

I simply responded that I am resigned and have resolved within myself that I am not going to be angry any longer. I spent too much time in that bad place, it is not me, and this is who I am. She responded back saying "sometimes you are working out twice a day, are you trying to impress me? or someone else?" First time she ever half accused me of pursuing anyone. I'm not unless you count her through DBing. But the fact that she asked was almost laughable. I stated that really all I do is go to work, come home, run and she pretty much knows where I am all the time. I don't report in, but I'm in the office everyday. She stated "I don't know what you do all day!". Funny! Told her again I was not trying to impress her or anyone else and that I am just working on myself and being a better father to our children.

I didn't dwell, asked if we were done and we could discuss more as we get more information on this "plan" she proposed.

Pulled up the lease and sent it to W. I don't see a way for an early out without a STIFF penalty. Didn't say that to her, just pointed out the paragraph and said we can discuss.

Zero idea what she is thinking other than she just wants a fresh start all the way around in a place that she likes. I don't blame her, but we are adults and have made commitments. Pointed out that we would both need to live fairly close (a few miles) to each other to make sure their commute to and from school wasn't horrible for either of us and them. Also asked that if I got a great job offer somewhere else does that mean you would move to that city too? She said no. Thought so. didn't say that, just wanted to make a point.

That's where we stand. She wants to leave. Is concerned that I'm trying to impress her or someone else. She acknowledged that I have changed and even said I am like my old self. I just commented that we both went through a hard time, handled it differently, and that I was always in there just shielded for a bit.

Got up, worked out and am now at work.

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