I might have gone with the same thing except say "I have plans" or "I can't today" instead of 'not right now'... make it a little mysterious and you are busy GAL'ing anyway right?? ;-)
IT just keeps getting better. She seems to keep finding reasons to contact me.
I got a message a few minutes ago about how she would "like to work out a schedule for the dogs, because she misses the one (that she can't leave alone at the room she is renting).
Me: "OK, I like having him all the time, but we can work something out, what do you have in mind?"
W: Right now he can't but he's still half my dog. I feel like you've just taken ownership of them and I'm the weekend dad. I'm not okay with that
(so she moved out where she couldn't take the dogs, basically abandoned one of them, then she blames me for "taking ownership of them...awesome". I decided not to engage the BS and stick to business)
Me: OK, What do you have in mind?
W: Either switching weeks or weekends with certain days during the week? I'm open to ideas. I mean if you want dog 2 all the time, I'll take dog 1 all the time and we can each have a day or two with both each week
Me: I'm open to ideas too. just wasn't sure how stitch would work with your living arrangements
(we're negotiating now - I'm just in disbelieve that she basically abandoned the dogs and is now getting upset with me for having them)
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
IT just keeps getting better. She seems to keep finding reasons to contact me.
I got a message a few minutes ago about how she would "like to work out a schedule for the dogs, because she misses the one (that she can't leave alone at the room she is renting).
Me: "OK, I like having him all the time, but we can work something out, what do you have in mind?"
W: Right now he can't but he's still half my dog. I feel like you've just taken ownership of them and I'm the weekend dad. I'm not okay with that
(so she moved out where she couldn't take the dogs, basically abandoned one of them, then she blames me for "taking ownership of them...awesome". I decided not to engage the BS and stick to business)
Me: OK, What do you have in mind?
W: Either switching weeks or weekends with certain days during the week? I'm open to ideas. I mean if you want dog 2 all the time, I'll take dog 1 all the time and we can each have a day or two with both each week
Me: I'm open to ideas too. just wasn't sure how stitch would work with your living arrangements
(we're negotiating now - I'm just in disbelieve that she basically abandoned the dogs and is now getting upset with me for having them)
She abandons the dog, and then wants to claim ownership?!? ROFL This girl is really deep into her fantasy fog. Were you tempted to text her back "Kick rocks." To the suggestion she keep Dog 1 full time? Also, is that even fair to dog 2? I know my dogs are buddies.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes - I'd like to post the rest of the convo here. But it contains a little too much personally identifiable information and it's long.
She was definitely trying to provoke me though. I managed to avoid taking any emotional bait, and defuse the confrontation. Although I did call her on her BS once - got it back to the business at hand and worked out a schedule that seems reasonable.
She also found reason to send me a chat message a few hours later. (that's 4 or 5 times she contacted me yesterday).
I'll be honest, the pursuit from her feels kind of good - but it's a long way from her doing the work that would be required to have any real hope at recon. I have trouble imagining what it would take to reconnect and TRUST that this wouldn't happen again in a year at this point - given how immature she's acted. But, I hear it does happen sometimes.
I may not be over her yet (by a long shot if I'm honest) but I'm starting to feel like I AM over dealing with her crap.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
She abandons the dog, and then wants to claim ownership?!? ROFL This girl is really deep into her fantasy fog. Were you tempted to text her back "Kick rocks." To the suggestion she keep Dog 1 full time? Also, is that even fair to dog 2? I know my dogs are buddies.
I was VERY tempted. But I resisted the urge to take the bait. I did say: "You moved to a situation where you couldn't take them, and now you're getting upset with me for having them.
I am happy to work out a schedule where you take them more.
I was also a bit concerned about <dog2> being left along, but we can figure something out"
That's as confrontational as I got. I'm honestly not sure she's equipped to handle them right now, but that's a natural consequence.
We worked out something where we each have BOTH dogs two days a week, then we each have the other the rest of the time.
So the dogs will only be apparent 2 days a week, and we'll only each be without a dog 2 days a week. Seems like a reasonable place to start...
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
I may not be over her yet (by a long shot if I'm honest) but I'm starting to feel like I AM over dealing with her crap.
I loved loved reading that. A great place to get to and now it can only go up from here.
You're right about trust - long long way to go if she ever came back and genuinely showed remorse and wanted to put the work in to rebuild the MR.
For now, enjoy the empowerment. It's addictive and as you shed your NGS skin, your confidence will ooze out and other ladies will come knocking. Trust me, you will start getting noticed and use that to add to your self-respect and being assertive.
Climbing is my passion man. I've seriously considered becoming a guide, but the comfort of a professional job is too good to give up at the moment.
I climbed before I meet the W, and I'm focusing on it again after. I know there's some baggage there since I climbed with her, but my connection to the activity is bigger than that.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
Ok - can't argue with that. Hopefully you can get through any triggering stuff that might remind you of W when you go climbing. I just started and I totally understand it being your passion. I wish I had started a decade earlier.
But, aside from climbing, is there something else you can do for GAL as well? Is there something you've been wanting to try for a while or something you think might be fun or interesting.
