No affair(?), no feelings...is there hope? Part II

[44tries]

Even if that is her signal for you to jump and fix her some food.........why would you? (You are too accommodating). She can either fix what you have prepared, or she can get what she wants. I am not the best at giving examples of come-back responses b/c my tongue is a little sharp for most cases. I would probably say something like, "Sounds like a problem", and leave at that. If she doesn't know what she wants, how the heck are you suppose to know?

I ask myself that question everyday, Sandi. Well, I used to anyway. W lives in a way where she just lets things happen to her. She doesn't know what she wants and doesn't take the proper steps to figure it out. She is afraid of the responsibility of making decisions and constantly tries to offload it onto me--even down to what food we eat. If something goes wrong, she wants to be able to blame someone else. Yes, I have been way too accommodating and put up with her passive-aggressive musings and jumped in to try to solve all her dilemmas, no matter how small. But that was the old way. Now, I have no interest in guessing what food she might like or making it for her.

I have a question for you, as I have been reading through all of your WW threads now that I know my W fully qualifies. I understand the best action for me is to drop all ropes as quickly as possible; make her feel the loss of me and all that entails to the fullest extent that I can. The sooner, the better. Everything at once. Of course, this all falls in line with normal DB techniques like detaching, GAL, etc that I have already been doing. However, I sense that with WWs it can be necessary/beneficial for it to be a bit harsher. You phrase it as tough love.

My dilemma is that the A is not in the open. She does not know that I know about it. And as I have mentioned, she is still very attached (for lack of a better word) in that she does the constant temp checks, asking me tons of questions etc. So, I cannot offer justification for drastic tough love behavior. For example, the bed situation. In your posts, you say the message should be "I won't sleep with a cheater." Obviously I can't say that (and in this case, I already know what I will say as we've discussed, I'm just using it as the example). Similarly, most of the steps seem to be underlined with the message "you cheated, I no longer have interest in talking/hanging out with you/having anything to do with you and you will no longer receive anything from me". I feel like the message I send cannot be as strong since the A is not exposed. Does this make sense?

I presume the answer is to just aggressively DB the best I can. The less I am available and around, the more she will feel my loss. But after reading the WW threads, I am afraid the tough love won't be tough enough...would love to know your thoughts on this, given you are aware of my individual situation. Thank you again for all your help.