Well, things had been slowly showing up in the OM that made me question him. I had tried to pass it off as nothing, but it still bothered me to some degree. But getting busted by my grown D, and knowing I would not be able to carry through with my plans.........which was to play innocent and paint my H to look like the bad guy.......was the real splash of reality I needed. It didn't take as much for me, like I hear and read about other WW's. But losing my family's high respect for me was enough! Their respect was the most important thing in my life. We had always lived by a strict code of conduct, so to say I was acting out of character, is putting it mildly.
I would guess that your W will reach out to you.......and until then, don't make a step toward her. She may call or contact you through email/texting to test the waters just a little......to see how you respond to her contacting you. Don't expect her to get off into everything all at once. She may ask how you've been, and some small talk.....and finally ask if you ever think of getting back together or how'd you feel if she came by sometime. She may say she thought about meeting you for the child swap. Just be calm and polite and do NOT press her. She'll have to do this at her speed. If she is sincere and really wants to go back to you, she may act a little nervous or hesitant with her words.
If she is remorseful, then I believe you will see a humility in her spirit. She will be sad and probably depressed. She may lead by saying things like, "You probably hate me", or "You'll never be able to forgive me". Even for an outgoing personality type, it was difficult for me to swallow my pride and humbly ask my H for his forgiveness. I didn't do it right away, but I never left the home either.
Here's the thing. If she starts making little hints.......or leads with something like I gave as an example, don't jump in there and take over the conversation. Don't put words into her mouth. Let her struggle to find the words. They need to be her words, and not yours. It is important that you wait for her to say what needs to be said. Understand? IMHO, it's part of the reconciliation healing process. I've seen some H's so eager to reconcile, they would not give the WW time to complete what she needs to do......and then there would trouble later. Allow her the opportunity to be humble and worried if you'll take her back. Know what I mean? And, if you are angry and hurt, then tell her you need time and that you might consider MC if she'll go.
I've seen so many LBS's think they would just die if they didn't get their WS back again........and they didn't go through the stages they need to process. So, when they finally did reconcile, then they would become the walk away spouse, b/c of delayed reactions for how their wayward spouse treated them. In other words, they put all their focus on just getting the WS back, instead of doing what they read us tell them. I tell LBH's to make the wayward W "work" to get him back. If he takes her back too easily, she'll likely put him through it again. So, don't get in a hurry.
If she shows the slightest bit of blaming you for her actions, haughtiness, anger, resentment, etc., then I don't think she's remorseful. Don't even think of letting her come back until she works through those issues.
It's really hard to say about your W. Artista may be more helpful to you than I am. She had some false start ups with her H, and they were physically S.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
