Hi Sandi2, I've been pouring through your threads and have some questions. We have blended financials, and WW is looking to start a new business. One of your suggestions is to basically split finances to put her on her own - remove the 'safety net' as it were. Though I understand your point (if you want out, here's what it looks like), but at the same time, because of the particular point in time of financial stress as it is (her stress), I fear coming across as bullying financially.
During one of our bigger fights, I made the mistake of telling her something to the effect of 'good luck sustaining your lifestyle the OM'. She has brought up many times since how much that hurt her and how she now questions whether she's staying around for the wrong reasons (financial) instead of the right ones (love/commitment).
Would love to get your thoughts.
anon, one of the things I learned early in my sitch, which doesn't sound to unlike yours (by the way your initial post was blank, so you might want to go back to your thread and give more details), is that WWs are in full rebellion against the MR. Therefore, they will look for reasons they shouldn't stay.
My W also made the same statement early on after BD. She was complimenting me on being an excellent provider. And that she knew her plan of getting a job, moving out, and getting a D would be a major step down financially. But that "she didn't want to stay for the wrong reasons".
This is rebellion! People stay married for all kinds of reasons, especially through the rough times. Sometimes it is because they are in a good place financial. Or they are comfortable. Or they are just too lazy to make a change. WWs rebel against these reasons. They talk themselves out of these reasons. So they say things like "yes I am taken care of financially, but that is not the right reason to stay married".
This is why reason and logic do not work with WWs. They are justifying their decision to cheat, or leave, or go GGW, or a combination of the three. All other logic, "but it will hard on the kids!", "It will hurt financially", "We'll have to give up the house we both love!", "The Church will look down on us!", "What about our friends?", fall on deaf ears.
That is what Sandi's "remove the safety net" is all about. Saying and thinking "I don't need financial security" and actually living without it are two different animals. Sandi's rules are all about getting the WW to wake up to the reality of her choices. To help blow away the fantasy fog she is in!
Go back and read my past posts where I describe what started to shake my W from her fantasy fog. Reality is the only thing that can break that, and sometimes even reality doesn't work.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
