Still in limbo IV

[SteveLW]

So I stumbled. I've mentioned to other posters here that when you start to get your mojo back, be on guard because you can spiral at any moment. Well I did.

I opened the singing app, and went to my wife's profile. The app works like this: 1 user can "open" a collaboration (which is a duet) where they only sing a part of the song, and then collaborators can "join" the song and sing the other part. So even though you are "singing" together, there is no real interaction between the singers.

But then you can go back and make comments on the songs others have completed with you. And they can respond.

Well I noticed yesterday she had joined a collaboration with OM1. She has done this a few times since they were no longer in contact elsewhere. Usually his comments were very formal. Things like "Thanks for joining me. You sound great." With emojis like hands applauding, things like that. Her responses were equally formal. "You're welcome." etc.

Well on this collaboration his comment was a bit more personal. Something along the lines of "Hey stranger! Thanks for joining, always good to hear your voice. How are you doing?" Her response was "You're welcome. I'm ok. Hope you are too." He came back with "Oh good, I'm really glad. Good to hear from you."

That got me a little concerned. I know how EAs work and I know it can take one little reach out to get things started again. This was yesterday and I resisted the temptation to bring it up.

However, I noticed that there was another guy that she collaborates with quite a bit. And I started seeing their comments were a little chummy. Things that sounded like inside jokes. Nothing overt, but given her history, red flags none the less. This was today I saw a couple of comments that again were really innocent, but got me wondering if "more" could be going on. Remember, this is the way she met OM1, potential OM2, so my hackles can get up fairly easily.

So I called her. Asking her about the second guy, not OM1. She didn't get defensive, though I think she was a little disappointed. She was clear that there was nothing going on, that they rarely private messaged, and that the bulk of their interactions are public in the collaboration comments. I told her the red flag for me is that he has her tagged on his profile, and the other 5 are all attractive women that he has tagged. She has admitted that multiple people told her how this online karaoke thing was a huge pick up site for mostly guys (of course) trolling for women. But that potential OM2 had said he had multiple women contact him telling him what they wanted to do to him. (I take this with a grain of salt since this guy is a major tool and I have no doubt would make this up to make himself sound like a stud.)

On then went on to OM1's comments. She insisted that he had not reached out beyond the comments. Obviously they hadn't been in touch before since he called her "stranger" in his initial comment (unless I am being played, but it seems genuine since they had no idea I would even see it).

She then said she was going to go get things done around the house and with our insurance claim (which she has let languish for two months now and may have lost the chance at getting her $5k in stolen camera equipment replaced). And that there was laundry that needed to be done and other housework (she's done very little housework in the weeks since BD, I've been doing the bulk of it, which I guess was even the case before BD).

I'm an idiot. I should have come here and aired what I found and had you all talk me off the ledge before going to her. I feel so bad about myself now. I feel so rotten and like a failure. Here I am telling other people how they should handle their sitches and I can't even handle mine!

Cautionary tale folks, your emotions can spiral even when you think you are over that.