Harder--maintaining an attitude of love and respect at all times is a lot more difficult than it was. I need to be careful not make snide comments or jabbing jokes. We tend to joke competitively with each other anyway and now that my anger and hurt is an at an all-time high, it takes a lot of self control to make sure I don't let that seep into my tone or word choice. But I don't want to give her any ammunition at all to say that I am handling the situation less than perfectly. It is a bit strange to be fully aware and her not know that I am. I am not going to confront her or say anything about it, but the more she pushes, the more I feel I will have to imply that she is in the wrong. Since she is in the wrong simply by breaking the marriage commitment, I think this is fine but eventually she might catch on that I know more than she thinks I do. I'm not sure if this is good or bad?
Jabbing type of jokes between marriage partners eventually cuts too close to a nerve and if the receiving spouse expresses hurt or anger, the spouse throwing the jab will claim s/he was just joking. It feeds an undercurrent of disrespect and unresolved issues. From my observations IRL, it is a dangerous game for a MR. This is the perfect time for you to end your line of the jabbing jokes, b/c I can almost promise that you will eventually say something from your place of betrayal. Dropping your end of that particular brand of playfulness when interacting with your W, will help you to maintain a more visible profile of love and respect.
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Ask yourself if you truly feel you have done nothing wrong to lose the right/privledge to sleep in our bed. Answer to yourself, not me. If the answer is yes, we can continue to discuss this. If the answer is no, the conversation is over." My hope is that this will shut her up, but if you guys think it won't and have a better strategy, I'm all ears
No, it's too wordy and self-righteous. It sounds as if you are aiming for some type of confession from her. This is an example of how it would overflow into your so-called joking and most of your verbal interaction with her.......if you are not watchful over yourself.
If there is a second bedroom in the house, then she just needs to get another bed, a blow up mattress, or a sleeping bag. It's not your problem. No need for a preachy response, just say you aren't leaving your bed. There is no need to repeat your reasons. (For some reason, LBH's always feel it is necessary to "remind" and repeat points to the WW. No, she heard you the first time).
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Speaking of her pushing, she has been making continuous comments about the bed issue. Coming in in the mornings and saying to the dogs "Wow must be nice to sleep in this big comfy bed, huh?" Yesterday, she talked about how she hasn't been sleeping well, not so subtly implying her desire to move. Today, she declared "I am sleeping in my bed this weekend." I just ignored her. But I know she is going to push this. How she has the audacity I do not know. I will absolutely stand my ground, but I fear it will turn nasty. She has already said I am being difficult about it more than once. I am trying to work out how I can calmly, politely, but firmly silence her on the issue once and for all. Any advice is appreciated.
Your stance is that "you" aren't leaving the MBR (marital bedroom). If you have no problem sharing a bed with her, then don't try to stop her from getting in bed with you. She is the one who wants out of the M, so where she sleeps is her problem. You could say something like, "I am not leaving the marital bedroom. If you want to share my bed, I won't stop you.......but I am going to stay in my bed".
When she says something to the dogs intended for your ears, like it must be nice to sleep in the bed.......either ignore it, or agree. There is plenty you could be saying to the dogs.....right? But, that's a little immature, so don't stoop to that level.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
