I am still not sleeping through the night well, but it gives me lots of time to think.

I was thinking more about convo with PIB yesterday and realized, DUH, of course suicidal thoughts are NOT logical thoughts. What I did like, if there is anything to like, is I worked through that down period without spewing it out onto anyone else. Well, unless you count the shelties. It wasn't wild irrational feeling thinking, it was all fairly calm, just very it is over.

I believe that for me they are the ULTIMATE in black/white thinking. No middle ground. Have to look for that middle ground.

I am enjoying starting to look at people and situations in life in more than 2 dimensions. I still need a lot of work but it is a good feeling when I realize I have done something different than I would have in the past.

This past week I closed a chapter in my life that was a pretty big contributor to my depression.

When my horse died the first year CHL and I were married. I had a headstone made for her. We picked it up in my van and it has been in there ever since. We never got the other stuff and to my mom and dad's to get it sit on her grave.

It was sort of between the front seats and Shimmer has ridden on it ever since I got him as a puppy. I got him the same year the horse died.

This week when my dad was down I asked if he would take it and sit it for me, so that I would have final closure on it being on her grave. He did. If CHL comes this weekend to take the kids to McDonald's in the van for the first time there will be no headstone riding with us.

Pam

"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned
so as to have the life that is waiting for us"