Things moving fast. Twists & turns.(hoosjim's 15th

[hoosjim]

Good evening. Sitting here eating a pizza after our workout and listening to Chris Stapleton-- my newest musical devotion. Dude is just really, really talented. Billed as a country artist, but he's as much blues as anything. Some of his stuff somehow reminds me of the Band, who I also like alot.

Anyhoo... good MC session this evening. No IC this week as MC wanted just to talk to us together. And, as it turned out, she didn't do much talking. In fact, she was quite impressed with how much talking we did, with each other, without much prompting from her. (W and I had actually started talking about 15 mins prior and it just sort of flowed seamlessly into the session once Jessica skyped in). Issues we discussed were 1) appropriate boundaries with members of the opposite sex, with particular discussion of my W's behaviors and being cognizant of any signals she sends off as well as cautions against letting people get too close or sharing too-intimate personal details; 2) accountability and not discounting the LBS's (my) feelings and hurt... being respectful of the boundaries established by me while still allowing for w to voice her feelings; 3) Me being a bit jealous of W talking with other men; 4) My sometimes habit (though i am WAY better now than i used to be-- one of my 180s) of being non-responsive via text and phone, and also the importance of letting each other (me included) know where we are. W noted that for several months i would go off and she wouldn't know where i was (Though the kids did) and that i reverted to this during the week i was away after the recent BD-- I told her that during those periods i did not feel like i owed her any explanation of where i was nor, most recently, did i feel any sense of responsibility towards her in that regard whatsoever; 5) Her continued fear of rejection, by me, based on our long SSM history, and that it was really "Scary" for her to open herself up to me that first night back... she did not want to be rejected again, and she continued to worry in the back of her mind about a return by either or both of us to our old patterns, and 6) the importance of continuing to engage with the MC, both jointly and individually, though MC is increasingly favoring "joint" since we both seem so open now to discussing even difficult things with and infront of each other. MC also "yelled" at us (not really yelled, she is very, very nice) for not doing our homework-- while the previous week we had been really good about it, this past week we kind of let life get in the way.

W was receptive on all counts. Admitted it was hard... that she did wonder how long it would take me to trust her again, but did understand that we had only been working on building trust for her for about three weeks, whereas she had had seven to eight months of seeing me in action and learning that i am not the same man who was so closed off and so neglected her all those years. She said she did not see her going back to the dark place she had been in, nor did she want to. She said she is in it for the long haul, and however long "it takes me", she is willing to do whatever it takes and put in the work. She still has not gone back to the post work get-togethers, though says she has been getting pressure too, and that she still thinks about quitting but worries we couldn't afford it. But she is NOT happy in that job, there, right now.

There was a lot of validation, both ways. She understands how i feel and says she will be more aware of how she behaves around other men. FWIW, she said the whole time over there at the bar talking to those two guys (which she says was only about five mins), she kept trying to get my attention to come over but i wasn't looking... and I wasn't really very much as i was trying to play it cool and only looking infrequently and even then only obliquely. She also said that they were talking alot about "her husband over there" and that she pointed to me several times, that they complimented her ring (she does have a really nice diamond... a five generations-old family heirloom i got from my Grandmother). I did note the touch on her shoulder and she said she can see how that looked and that she DID pull away (which i told her i did not see), and that the guy was trying to get her attention to show her a picture of his son, a football player, on his phone after she had mentioned her own son played football. AAR, NOT repeat NOT excusing here... just reporting on what W said in session, as she and i had not discussed this episode previously. She did allow that she should be more sensitive of my feelings, and how i felt about her talking to other men particularly in light of the recent hurt.

Other stuff... She has been sharing her phone with me constantly. Not in a "hey look at me" way, but, just... IDK... naturally is the best way i can think of it. Like a H and W should. And i have been doing similarly.

We're making alot of plans for the future. After the kids are both in school this Fall. Retirement. Etc.

Oh, and she's taking me to Dallas to see Chris Stapleton with the Eagles in June, LOL....