I have to say this reaction surprised me. Would it change your thoughts if I have always done this? Since my girls were newborns and got sick, my wife immediately attended to them (picked them up, cleaned them up, etc) and I cleaned up the mess left behind while she was tending to the child. Nothing has changed (it was not like I decided to clean it up to be nice, I just see it as something that has to get done). I can see after reading what I wrote, it may sound like the typical NG but I am working on eliminating the NGS and want to make sure there was not a better way to handle that situation.
Change my thoughts? You did not have to tell you've always been this way. I knew it. I know the dynamics in your MR.
I want to make something perfectly clear here. Caring for your children and doing what seems right......is not "nice". It is being a responsible parent. Have you read the book about NGS? The title of nice guy could be a little misleading, if you don't understand the psychology behind it. People who know you would say, "He is a nice guy". There is nothing wrong with being a nice person. But what I am referencing goes much deeper and causes a dynamic in MR's such as you are currently experiencing.
It's as if you have always been the primary parent (for lack of better way to describe it). Not only does your W depend on you to take care of the children during the night, when they are sick, making sure they have what they need and get to where they need to be.....she expects it. Traditionally, it was mothers who took care of the home and the needs of the children, got up during the night, etc. Some couples share or swap out in these areas, but I have observed IRL, and on the board, that in many families there will be a primary parent who steps up to these jobs more than the other parent. If the H has NGS....then more than likely, he is going to be that parent.
I am not saying there is anything wrong with the father doing all the things you do for your kids. I want you to see the dynamic in your MR. Would you say your W has a sense of entitlement? I mean, she obviously expects you to take care of these things. She seems blind to her own role in caring for her little girls. Your next paragraph is an example of how she plays the guilt card to manipulate you in continuing the old dynamic. The first time you pulled back just a little, she reacted very badly. She hit you where she knew would hurt the most, by saying you didn't care that your child was sick. I suspect the reason your D tried to call was due to her mother making statements like, "Your father should be here to take care of you". Whether or not she said anything to your D or put her up to calling you..........the action of your W was not concern for the child. It was concern for herself!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
