Can I really do this?

[Dtrmned]

Steve85 and Sandi2
Thank you guys for your input, support and drawing me back when needed.

I don't know how to quote the things in your emails to respond to, but here are my thoughts on the comments and questions:

VERY hard day so far. I think this is due to the detaching and the A appt later today. I know it is the right thing to do and I am going to do it. It is just hard.

Sandi2, you asked if the friend was a female. Yes it is and this is a double edged sword. What I mean by that is just what you are thinking. My wife has made it totally clear that she hates men, period. This used to exclude me, but now I am lumped in as can be expected. She always had interest in women, but never "crossed any line" in our marriage. She dabbled prior to us getting together (so high school and college and generally only drunken or drug infused situations). This friend has no job, is disabled, and has nothing else to do but to listen, be there, and feed my wife's thoughts, fantasies, and maybe desires. I don't think so yet on the last part, but it may be headed that way. I do think it is moving towards an EA (but more of a deep friendship that of course only women have). Again, I agree that she has to crash for her to see what she is leaving. Do I know if I will be there when that happens? I truly don't know. As I am going through rebuilding myself and trying to make a safe and secure home for our children, I may see it differently in the future. I am almost convinced that I actually need to contemplate (I hope you can feel my heart dropping as I am saying this for my wife) going for primary custody of our children. I just believe that I can provide a more stable home, without interruption. I would be VERY open to a huge liberal door for her to see them, but with the decisions she is making and the direction I see she is going, I don't see her situation being one that our children will be safe and secure in.

I will not volunteer that I have an A to my W. I just want to be prepared and make sure I am doing what is right.

The last think I will say besides thank you again Sandi and Steve is this:

Sandi2...THANK YOU! I have never actually been fired before. It feels pretty good knowing that it is not my "job" any longer. I am going to admit that I am really going to struggle with the part of just not taking care of everything, but knowing that she doesn't want me to any longer helps. The 2x4's to the head sometimes actually get me to think and see things more clearly! I agree that I cannot change her. Trust me, I have done all the things prior to this that Michelle says never do. Begged, pleaded, argued my point, etc. etc. etc. Done doing this! IF she decides after her crash to work on our M and I am available, we will discuss if it is the right thing to do. I will always love her. She is the mother of our amazing children. I will not be a doormat and I do not need her to survive.