Responsibility, Logic & Underreacting

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Pam,

I can relate to what you are saying.

When my Mom first suggested I move home, into a bedroom in her house, I felt like if I did so I'd be a failure.

But I dealt with my embarrasment and reaped some pretty huge awards from taking this path.

I really believe that my moving home was the best thing I could have done, as scary as it was. I can certainly say that I was not and am not a failure. And I'd never imagined that my life would be so wonderful as it is today.

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure you will pick the best path for you.

Thank you for explaining your thoughts!

Hugs!

[psluke]

True. Thank you for the reminder.

So if I go that route I will FEEL I failed.

I already feel I failed in the marriage. I don't want to feel I failed at everything.

I think I would feel like I was right back where I left 6 - 7 years ago. And I don't want to be back there.

[psluke]

This is going to sound strange, but if he is sure he is going through with this next week then I wish we would at least try to come to a settlement agreement, so I have a better idea of what I have, the time I have and what I can possibly do to move forward.

I actually feel that CHL's not dealing with the settlement is also keeping me in a kind of limbo up until the last possible moment.

[psluke]

Some ASSuming here, trying to put myself in CHL's place a bit to try to figure why he isn't trying to work on settlement.

ASSumptions:

He knows I would still like to save the marriage.

He is pretty sure discussing the settlement will upset me so he is putting off doing that till the last possible moment.

He is doing major conflict avoidance?

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

How about:

He's having a difficult time facing the reality of the settlement and the work involved on just that aspect.

He is crazy busy at work.

He has an itchy butt.

[psluke]

I know I am posting a lot today but my head is in a better place than it has been since Tuesday.

Cause I was back in that black pit of trying to figure out how the heck to end it all next Wednesday. I even wrote up and sent to friend what I wanted done with the shelties, and discussed with another friend taking them till they could be placed in the various homes.

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Pam,

Does that mean that you have come to the conclusion that this is not a path you wish to take?

[sage]

Perhaps I'm being too literal but if we're gonna go down this cheeseless tunnel can we stick some "maybes" in there?

Like..

maybe he's afraid of hurting me
maybe he's procrastinating
maybe he's afraid in general

Overall message to me, though, is that there are a THOUSAND possible reasons...and we have NO idea which one is the right one.

SO...how can we turn our focus back onto the things we CAN control?

Sage

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Sage,

You said:
Overall message to me, though, is that there are a THOUSAND possible reasons...and we have NO idea which one is the right one.


Agreed.

[psluke]

Hi PIB,

At the moment I am very much of the mindset to see if I can't find other options.

That is actually what I considered asking Sage to play devil's advocate with me today about, but realized I couldn't really ask that of her.

I don't think CHL is aware that I was pretty seriously there this week. I think Tuesday he had an inkling of it. But the rest of the week I don't believe he did.

Which means I really am getting better at managing myself and acting as if.

Because I didn't really post it straight out either as I have in the past.

Which to me makes it seem I am getting much better at managing myself and have more self control.

I know I am really going to miss the Zoloft, because I DO believe it has helped me quit a bit!

Am wondering if that St John's Wort or whatever that people talk about would help me some.