Things moving fast. Twists & turns.(hoosjim's 15th

[sandi2]

I think Ginger's suggestions are great. If I were in a very familiar setting, like the Cheers Bar, I would probably be more comfortable......which means I would probably be more friendly than if I went to a new place. Don't we all? Your favorite watering hole becomes kind of like home, so you are more relaxed........maybe let down your guard more?

While your emotions are suffering from betrayal, it won't take much (I wouldn't think) for you to question or feel anxious/jealous whenever you see your W interact with other men. I mean, you certainly have reason to feel that way, and that's why I don't understand why your W isn't more aware of how she's pouring salt into the wound when she interacts with men. I have wondered if you try to tell yourself she doesn't intentionally act flirty or forward.....and that it's just her personality, and if other men get the wrong idea, then that's their problem (she has actually told you similar words).

I'm not trying to speak for Ginger, but we both have said we can kind of relate to your W b/c we, also, have a friendly, outgoing personality. However, we both have said that we have boundaries. When the woman is innocent of ulterior motives or even if she desires the male attention/flirting........she still lives by a code of conduct that shows respect for herself, as a lady, and for her H.

I'm saying, it's not just you. I'd dare say any H would have the same
feelings.......maybe a lot worse. I hope the MC will press upon your W that having the attitude that she doesn't care what others think....including the men.........is just not acceptable in a MR. It would be especially cruel for the spouse that has been betrayed. But let the counselor handle this, b/c your W may see you trying to control/punish her. As you pointed out, this is some remaining rebelliousness.

In the 37 rules, the one most questioned is about not believing anything you hear and only half of what you see. Funny, b/c I had expected the most resistance to come about the rule to avoid bars. I suppose everyone just ignores it. .