Brace yourself. The pain of EA being a full blown affair is too visceral. Is this the first infidelity your husband ever had?
Looking back, of all the things I ever went through, if I could do over, these are the things I would do: 1. Have your husband sign a paper saying your demands if he make physical contact with the other woman. Meaning to say, if you end up in Divorce, you will get everything he have. Make him sign and notarized the paper. Make sure you have a divorce lawyer read the draft so this would hold up in court. 2. Make it very clear that if he leaves, there is nobody to come back to. (this would save you from a lot of lies and abuse) 3. Make a new life for yourself. Make new friends, develop a support system, you will need them. Hug yourself and your children often. Pray and tell yourself "this too shall pass"
I hope and pray that you don't go through where I've been.
