Looks like I am back! I think there was a problem posting from my phone which stinks, because I wrote a nice long post.
But I'll keep this one short and get to my general point.
First, my personality is much like your wife, I am all woman, but can hang with the boys, and I click in most social situations. When I was married, I had boundaries, and when I became single, I maintained them, especially around guy friends who are married/taken. When I divorced, I did find a guys we hung out with had a crush on me. I also found out married men had a crush on me. Never ever crossed that line and made the effort not to make anyone uncomfortable.
That being said, your wife may be a 50 year old wife and mother, but seems to have mentality of a single woman in her 20's. She is looking for that attention. She likes to really test boundaries.
I think your best course of action right now would be changing your social setting. Local watering holes like Cheers where everyone knows everyone and is drinking and hanging out may not be the best setting for the way your wife behaves and for your stage in piecing. You want to hang out with friends? Invite a nice couple over to your house for dinner and drinks. Want to see live music? Go to a place where you don't know anyone, that has a cozier appeal where it could be the two of you in a booth (just an example) enjoying the music. Your M is just not solid enough nor is her ability to really respect boundaries solid enough right now to handle situations like bars where you would be likely to socialize with others. I would stick to socializing with couples more directly.
It's tough, for sure. But some changes in your socializing might have to be made for a while.
