Can I really do this?

[Dtrmned]

Good Morning DB Forum!

Update on the weekend. Asked to talk with W Friday evening about D and she said she was too tired. So we ended up talking Saturday late afternoon. Wife said she is not at all concerned, in fact she said she was not shocked that our D was acting out the way she is. She said let's just get her into therapy and move her forward. I agree with getting her into therapy. Just worried about the apathy on my W part that she wasn't shocked nor concerned, merely ready to pass the problem along to someone else.
We ended up speaking a little on our MR as I had stated that our children do need a steady foundation at home. Talk was about 30-40 minutes, but it was and is very clear that at this moment that my W is adamant about leaving and done. Kind of confirmed that she is basically talking with one friend of hers outside of her mom, dad and sister with this. This friend is feeding her hopes, dreams and satisfying her emotional needs. I don't know if I would call this an EA, but pretty much all of the things without the romance, etc. They talk everyday. Her friend is home all day as well with chronic health issues. They have been friends for 15 months and I have never met her. I believe they have only seen each other for coffee, etc maybe 6 times. BUT they talk constantly, everyday. I am not blaming this person as I know this is my W choice.

BUT what is the best way to deal with this? I believe her friend is filling her head full of bad information which will come back to haunt her (and me as well).

W says she is planning on leaving as soon as she can. No idea when this will be. She said she is going to give me a number (her expectations on whether we can agree on how to split stuff) this weekend coming up. She said she has a number in mind, just didn't feel like discussing it on Saturday. I pressed a bit, but backed off to let her have her space and time. I am hopeful that her examining the financials will open her eyes a bit. NOT to make her refocus on MR, but just to realize how drastically her life is going to change.

She is convincing herself that our marriage was a farce, that no one was happy, she even used the phrase "you terrorized us". She was referring to me dealing with the financial crisis that cost us our business and our home and the anger I felt during this time. This anger was not AT my family, it was at the situation, but it was present. I have apologized, we are beyond that, and there is really nothing left to say on that. I would gladly work on this more in the future. We have been together for 21 years, have 2 great kids, and have had an amazing life together. Definitely a roller coaster with the last decade of health issues, children (not a bad thing at all but this does change the home dynamic), then the financial crisis, and just life. Way more than most, but always knowing there are those that are dealing with things way worse than what we have.

Just looking for some thoughts on how to handle this friend that is kind of feeding into this "fantasy" my wife is trying to create. Now, please, before you chastise me for saying my wife leaving is just a fantasy I am referring to her totally blocking out the reality of this and how it is going to affect her. Currently a SAHM and now believes she is going to be able to go out and get a job, take care of the kids, take care of a home, and juggle the chronic health issues (weekend was fairly bad: Migraine on Friday causing 3 hours in the dark, Saturday on the couch, heating pad, etc most of the day. Sunday was worse. Chronic intestinal issue putting her in the bathroom at least 15 times during the day. Exhaustion, frustration, etc.) These issues are all outside of the financial part with regard to just the essentials: Rent, food, car, health insurance (including co-pays and RX's which is a fairly high monthly payment when you add it all up), cable, cell phone, gas, etc.

Don't know what she has planned, but getting in front of an A this week to make a plan.

I know believe nothing she says and only half of what she does so I am doing this. Really just concerned as to how I can make a difference with this other person so close to her. If this is even possible. Not giving up but am seeking help children right now.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts DB forum!