Help evaluating LRT progress

[44tries]

Keep on keepin on, Olya. Just read your updates and will post one of my own afterward. Things are much slower for me, but the parallels of our situations are uncanny!

I am still in the dark about my wife's A/"just friend". Haven't snooped yet, and I don't think I will unless I really hit a moment of weakness, mostly because I already know enough and any more or confirmation will only make it that much harder to ride this out. What I do know is it's a 19-yr old. So, let me say that I know exactly how you felt when you realized your trusted partner in marriage is pursuing things with a 21-yr old. At first, it's unbelievable. Then, it's laughable. You are right, though, there is something very relieving about it. It isn't a real threat. I guess if I had to choose some situation where my wife was having an A, it couldn't really get more innocuous than this.

I also feel similarly to you about what I want. I want the ludicrous fantasy bubble and anyone involved in it gone. I can get past the A (or whatever it is, in my case), but there is a line when it comes to pregnancy/STDs. Practicality aside, I just don't think I could ever look at my W the same if she truly threw that much sanity and reason out the window.

There is no way his relationship lasts; as I said before, I'd bet it's done before the deployment is up. I can't even imagine the girl waiting around for him, given what she has proven about herself already.

I think the most important lesson for us lies in what you said here:

I also highly doubt that she's the type of person who would take his gear to get stitched while battling a bad kidney infection. He is used to have everything done for him and to me bending over backwards to meet and anticipate his needs. He has never appreciated that.

How is it that we are two attractive, capable, intelligent people and our spouses have chosen to go down these paths of incredulous nonsense? After everything we do for them and all the stability we have to offer, why are they so willing to throw it all away to chase some fantasy? Because we are no longer "fun"?

I have spent a lot of time thinking about why all I have to offer and all I have done seems to be taken for granted and unappreciated. Amoafwl and doodler have ridden me pretty hard about bending over backwards and losing my W's respect. I still haven't figured it all out, but I think there's something to be said for the fact that I keep coming back to these themes. I'm certainly not pulling you into my boat, but since our situations have a lot of similarities and your quote really resonated with me, maybe it's something to think about.