We are not in counseling. A couple months ago I suggested it, and told H that if he wanted to go then he would have to find the therapist. He said he wanted to go, but could not afford to pay for it. I told him I would pay for it initially to see if we were benefitting from it. BUT....he has not taken any initiative to find one for us.
As far as his parents are concerned. The reason all of this is an issue with me and H is because H wants them to be able to come and visit....like pre BD....where they would come a few times a year and stay for 2-3 weeks in our home. I have absolutely no desire to have them in my home or to see them ever again. They have shown me who they are and I do not want to be in their company.
The issue is that right now H and I are living in a home that he rented post BD. I have asked him about moving to a different place....one that neither of us had lived in so that we could start new. It would not be just his place anymore, it would be ours. He doesn't want to do that because then he feels like I would not let his parents come and stay when they visit.
My H (and his parents) have this idea that they should be able to come and visit as often as they like, and stay as long as they like in our home, and without regard for our lives or schedule. His parents are retired and are wealthy and travel A LOT.
I know that everyone says that forgiveness is for me, but I honestly don't care about them one way or another. I do not feel like I need to forgive them. They should be asking me for forgiveness. After a lot of work, the person that I choose to forgive was my H, and that is what is important to me. Even if I decided to forgive them I honestly don't think that my current feelings about them would change. I honestly have no desire to ever see them ever again.
I am not asking him not to have a relationship with his family. I have encouraged it because before we got married they were not very close.
