Well, good for you. Stopping the car and dealing with it right then & there, made a bigger impression than waiting to get home and it becoming a yada.....yada.

I can see her responding positively to male dominance.

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Now all of this, IMO, is JUST shy of anything improper. W didn't do anything obviously flirtatious, though she did linger a little long and didn't obviously object when guy touched her on the shoulder... though it wasn't on overtly sexual or come-on type touch (even as we all know that the "art of touch" starts with simple ones like that).


Do you plan to bring this up in a MC session? I don't mean this particular incident, but your W's attitude of it being the man's fault if he reads something else in her friendliness? It's not just men who are watching her body language and her over friendly ways. Other women see the same thing. Whether or not your W wants to accept responsibility, it's still on her.......b/c it's her actions. It's as if her attitude says, "This is the way I am, and to hell with anyone who wants to make something more of it".

It does not matter how naturally social your W is, or how she can be one of the boys. It does not matter how easily she can strike up a conversation with strangers. I do not see this as you feeling threatened, a sign of insecurity, or jealousy. It goes back to what I was saying recently. She needs to live by a higher code of conduct. It blows my mind to think she would have this type of interaction with two guys she didn't
know......considering that her H walked out on her just a few weeks ago!

Her poor view on codes of conduct was one of my concerns about the wine downs. Especially when she's had a rough day and needs a little extra wine. If she would act this way with two strangers, and with her H watching..........how would act with someone more familiar, and in H's absence?

I have a friendly, outgoing type of personality, too. However, I would not approach two men in a bar that I'd never met......to chat & laugh it up for ten minutes. Obviously, the stranger who put his hand her shoulder must have read something there for him to feel it was okay. It should have been a red flag to your W, the second he placed his hand on her.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!