WW in MLC affair and I need advice..

[Natash]

Of course the W came to me in a panic to help clean up the vomit. I've always done that task whenever one of us is sick but the whole time I'm cleaning I was thinking oh how the W will love this when she's on her own.

The whole time you were cleaning? Why do you think things will change, if you continue the same dynamics? That's why you've always been the one to clean up the vomit.

Let her panic! The world does not stop turning. Stop rescuing her.

No not the whole time. She started cleaning up D5 and I had to have D7 leave the room and find something to do before she tossed her cookies (she has a weak stomach for vomit). So I was thinking about my sick D5 and not it as rescuing the W.

She had been friendly a handful of times, temp checking I think.

Oh, I guarantee it. The WW does nothing nice with or to the H, that isn't for her benefit somehow, some way. Selfishness is 100% of her motivation.

The W doesn't know but I figured it would be best to keep it a secret until she moves out

. Why? Don't give her details about where you are going, what you will be doing, who it is with, or when you'll get back. But why do you feel you have to keep GAL a secret? Was this a habit in previous times, when you figured the W would not be happy about you bike riding.......or anything else that you might actually enjoying doing without her? Did you have to make a decision to stop doing some of your old hobbies or either hide it from the W.......else you might have to suffer her wrath? It's okay, you can be honest here. Look, she's moving out anyway........what's the worse that could happen if she knows? Wouldn't it feel kind of good to do what you want, and not feel like you had to hide it from her? Tell me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't that be close to growing a pair?

I don't feel like GAL needs to be a secret but have to a point because most of the things I have done have been with a close Bbuddy. Him and his wife were in our wedding. His wife was my wife's second best friend for a while. The W bragged to his W about who she was texting. My friends wife didn't agree with what my w was doing so my wife has stopped talking with her and unfriended her on FB. Months ago out of the blue my W told me to stop hanging out with "my friends and btw you vcan have Courtney and Al!" I thought it was strange but now believe she's written them off and if she knows I'm hanging out with the same people every time it will (because some ways it is) a weak GAL plan. The improving weather will increase what I can do and who I can do it with. At that point I wouldn't mind sharing names here or there if I feel the need. I guess it was my way to make GAL mysterious for a bit. I did not have to give up activities or hide any before. There were times she'd tell me to go out more often but I remember when I went fishing a few weekends in a row a comment was made to me about her home with the kids so I made the choice to back off and stick around home until the girls were older. We were always upfront and honest about activities. Often times, if I wanted to do or buy something I did. I would run it by the Way so there were no surprises to her. I wanted a seadoo in 2014 so I went and bought one. Motorcycles, same way. My W will tell you in that way I'm selfish and it's all about me (not the case). Two weeks ago she said "you're driving a $50k pickup and I'm driving a 2010 suv that is falling apart ( not the case, we keep our vehicles in top shape. She was just irritated it needed a sway bar replaced, a common failure). I then said "do you recall before we talked about buying snowmobiles I said we should buy you a new vehicle... and you chose not to? Her reply was that wouldn't make sense since we are now where we are. (surprising to me because this was back in the fall). I see it as I work hard for the money and spend money on my home and family and little on myself so every five years or so I buy a different toy to enjoy. This winter when I bought two new snowmobiles to get back into the sport (was into big time when I first met W in 20004 but it is expensive and I couldn't afford it after buying a home then having kids in daycare). I bought one for me one for the w. After discovery of the A I sold them both after only putting 15 miles on them. I had planned to sell the seadoo this spring (we now have a camper and pool so the seadoo only saw water twice last summer). So Im planning to use the seadoo funds to pay for the bike. So that sale won't be until next month and then I look forward to showing her I bought what I wanted. If I do it now I know she'll be like I can't believe you, taking out a loan when we are where we are. More importantly, I don't want to send the message it's ok to go borrow money. She made the comment recently about working on going debt free (usually that is something I'd say). If i say the seadoo funds will pay for it. She'll say half that is mine (even tho ugh not one penny came from her to pay for it) I guess long story short I feel it would create a conversation I want to avoid and if she finds out once no longer living here there is not s darn thing she can say about it....wow! After all this typing and explaining I see exactly what you are saying. I need to just show up with it and start earning my pair back!

If she springs at the last minute that she has plans this weekend, what do you plan to say? Don't you dare back out of your GAL just b/c she makes plans. And she will expect you to stay home and babysit. So, what's your game plan? Stand up to her like a man, and tell her you've made plans for the entire weekend, so she'll have to get a babysitter. And, don't start stuttering around when she starts firing questions, wanting the low down on what you plan. She doesn't get to know. How's that? She has fired you as her H, so she forfeits the right to know all your personal business.

yes ma'am, I'm not the babysitter this weekend and I like that, she doesn't get to know.

First bike ride in 5 years, huh? That's how old your D is, right? Just saying.......

I missed what you are getting at

Do you know why a lot of W's lose attraction for their H? B/c he stopped being the guy she fell in love with. He hunched down when she would nag him, guilt him, bellyache, or manipulate him.......instead of standing up to her and putting her in her place. He tried to tell himself .........whatever, in order to live with her. But she lost respect for him as a man. Now, I may be off base in this case.........but I bet not too far.

Every W will test her H at some point in their MR, to see if he's strong enough to put her in her place. (And, I'm not suggesting abusive actions). If she proves she is stronger than him, she loses respect for him. Women need their men to be stronger, b/c that is something that is born in them. That's why God gave you fellows a pair of b@lls. So, make good use of them.

Get on that bike and find that guy again! This time around, don't lose him.

Have a great time!

Not too far off base, she lost respect for me a few years back and I didn't do enough about it. I thank you for your guidance and clear instructions.

Oh, sh*t, my plans may be up in the air. As I finish typing D7 just vomited in bed. Looks like just when we thought she escaped the virus it got her!