When she reaches out to you again and she will if she is interested. You say “ hey W it’s great to hear from you, I would love to see you then make a date. Direct and to the point. If she’s interested she will say yes, if she’s not she will make an excuse. Either way you will know where you stand.
Some good points here. Those here that are familiar with my story might understand a bit more but the reason for our divorce was mainly two things, she lost her identity trying to constantly please me...and I didn't have enough sense to notice that and change it before things went bad. However I think our problems were very fixable...since I was the main problem. I recognize my issues so much more clearly now but somehow I was totally blind to it back then. This plus constant, serious, financial issues made her just snap one day which eventually led to her leaving me after almost 20 years.
Obviously my story has much more detail to it but that's already documented here in 5 or 6 threads...so I summarized it above.
Yes, I'd love to see an R because I truly believe we could and would get it right this time. Otherwise I wouldn't be kidding myself 4 years later. So please, if anyone thinks I shouldn't please speak up (especially site veterans like Sandi who have been following my story for 4 years now) but I think it's a good idea to try and maintain some kind of contact...even if it's just a funny one sentence text. Of course no relationship talk at all..I'll be playing it like I want to be friends and have my own stuff going on. But just because I want to keep me in her head. I got nothing to lose and then I'll vanish again for a month or so. Play it cool as a cucumber. Plus as i said earlier...I don't have that impediment of fear of living without her anymore as I did back then for sure. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Thoughts and advice?
My advice? Don't put so much thought into it. You are awesome now, show her that awesomeness! If you feel like texting her, text her! If you don't, don't. But trying to manufacture this is probably not going to work and she is going to see right through it. Just do what comes naturally to you. Remember how you "won" her all those years ago. More than likely the same tactics will work this time, and likely you didn't think too much about it, you just did it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Great, great points here guys. Thank you. Yes, I thought maybe it was just coincidence that she happened to text me (after years) the very next day after I notified friends and family on FB that I moved out of Mary's house. However many friends I've spoken to said no way...it was no coincidence. Also when she told me to bring my girlfriend with me...that was another rather strange thing. But I feel strong now where the worst that could happen is my life stays as it is...which obviously I am used to. So I feel braver in that respect. It's just funny how all this played out...how Mary and I broke up before I ever in a million years expected to hear from WAW, how we are both single now...it just happened that way on its own. Maybe I'll send a funny text related to something that "reminded" me of her later...like I heard a song or something she liked.
Thanks for the advice guys...once I get to a normal computer and not using data on my phone i want to read some of the newbies posts and help them from my experience. I feel like I can help them through those terrible first few weeks/months after the bomb drop. Right now I am still getting settled in my new place and don't have cable and internet yet. Thanks everyone, looking forward to what others have to say here.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Well I did it. Sent a funny, one sentence text regarding a song we used to make fun of. About 20 minutes later she replies and reminded me of another funny song memory. Then she texted again and said we need to get together again soon. I'm going to wait about an hour to reply. Went much better than I expected. Baby steps.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Thanks Steve! No way my friend...taking this one VERRRRY slow and VERRY cool. Surprised she suggested hanging out again actually. Yeah the great people here on this site made me strong as an ox!!! Just playing this slow and cool! No relationship talk at all...building the friendship is the focus.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Okay so I replied laughing at her memory and said sure we can meet up again sometime. I told her to let me know when because I'm working 6 days a week. She replied with okay I'll be in touch with a smiley. I replied with a thumbs up. So there we have it. Now we wait to see what happens. Think I handled this interaction correctly?
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
