(a) the discovery of evidence of usage of erotic lingerie which I am highly unlikely to ever benefit from seeing (due to the accidental nature of its discovery this would not be suitable for a confrontation).
CW, you are WAYYYYYYYYYY too nice (a common theme throughout your two threads). My guess is you have a serious case of Nice Guy Syndrome. I don't care if a little bird came and sat in your shoulder and whispered this to you, you have every right to confront her on something like this especially considering your history.
Let me give you some outstanding advice a friend of mine gave me when I discovered my wife's online, very public, dating profile back in January. When you confront her about this latest evidence do not do it apologetically. Why or how you found out is not important! What is important is her behavior. Period. Also do not do in a whiny, poor me, I am so sad, why would you do this to us way. Do it angrily (but controlled). Do it from a position of strength. Do it from a "I have put up with enough garbage for over a year and I am not putting up with this!" attitude.
Let me tell you, I really think that the incident with my wife and her online dating profile had a huge impact on how things proceeded from that point forward. The way that I did it was when I got home that evening, I asked, sternly, to talk to her in our bedroom. I then closed the door and sternly said: "I found your -name of service- dating profile today. If you have a shred of respect for me, and if you care about your daughter AT ALL, you will take that down. You used a picture, and anybody, including your daughter and any of her friends, let alone anyone that knows us, could find that profile at anytime. That is unacceptable. After we have a discussion with our daughter you can do whatever you want. There will be consequences for those actions, like you needing another place to live, but until we've sat her down and told her what is going on you need to be respectful of me and our marriage!"
Again, I was stern, she could see I was angry, but I remained controlled but firm.
Her reaction was like a deer in the headlights! She was submissive. She tried to "state her case" and I said that didn't matter. The why was irrelevant that it was unacceptable for our daughter to find out about her parents splitting up by having someone she knows ask her why her married mother was on a dating site.
I also gave her a choice: She could leave it up and we could go talk to our daughter right then. Or she could take it down, and any others she might have started, until after we had this discussion.
I even told her once our daughter knew, then we could let everyone else know, and she could start taking out billboards advertising her availability for all I cared (remember I was trying detach at this time as well).
It was the first time since bomb day, about a month in, that I felt like I had a backbone.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
