LBW, H in MLC and with OW - part 3

[meg24]

Journaling.....

I feel like I'm in a much better place today, compared to earlier this week.

H sent me a text late last night. I was still awake, but didn't response (yay for me!). Basically said he has lot of sh*& going on in his head and can't make sense of it. Said he's been lashing out at me and treating me like sh%&, and he feels like crap after every time he calms down. Said he's taking his problems and confusion out on me and I don't deserve it and he's sorry.

I replied when I got to work this morning, said I'm sorry for the pain he has, and that I understand that he feels leaving was what he needed to do to sort everything out.

He replied later that part of his struggle is the kids don't want him anymore, they've made it clear they chose me. He said he sent them each a text yesterday and none have responded. Said he'll stay out of our lives so he's not a burden, that's what he feels like and he feels like all he's good for is a paycheck, and he said he knows that's not how I feel, but the kids make him feel like that.

I replied that they are confused and hurting just like us, they don't know details and only react to what the see and experience. I told him he can't use the kids' feelings as an excuse to not work on the M. I told him that as far as his relationships with them, HE has to repair those, I can't do it for him, and to keep trying.

I then proceeded on another 180, told him that if HE doesn't try to repair things with his kids they will end up feeling about him the same way H feels about his dad, and I know he doesn't want that. He has said for years he doesn't want to be like his dad, when for years he has done so many things like his dad. I haven't spoken up about that until now. He seemed to take it well.

H said then that he thought that at least I should sit all the kids down and own up to my part in our R where it's at. I told him that I have, many times, and continue to try to teach them to do things differently in their current and future relationships. He said that's all he can ask.