But this just seems so backwards to me. I feel like if I start pulling away it will come across more like I've reverted to my old behavior --- bad communicator, disinterest in her. That's what drove her away in the first place.
State, hang in there. There is so much similarity in your sitch to mine. I was not a good communicator at all, and my H didn't/doesn't feel that I showed him attention or affection (love languages here, I didn't learn his, he as well didn't learn mine). I have been back, forth, up, down, moving forward, stepping back. You will too. But you need to listen to the vets here.
Even though you are under the same roof, and you say trying to work on the MR, she just doesn't seem "there". Drop the Love Dare. I read it years ago, and started again after BD, but had to stop. H just isn't receptive to that. What he is receptive to is me detaching and GALing. And I thought the Love Dare was actually for one of you to do for the other, not doing together. Maybe I understood it backwards.
Anyway, start treating your W like a houseguest. She's already in another room. The more she sees you actually working on YOU, and not even appearing concerned with her, she will start to wonder.
I'm almost 4 months in to my sitch, and I guarantee I have so many more to go, before it goes one way or another. Like they all say, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Settle in for the long haul. Oh, and start thinking about your boundaries. I have recently set some myself, it took me along time, but H doesn't like them, and they seem to be making him take a hard look at himself.
Hang in there.
Me-44,H-44 S21,S19,S17,D13 M-22,T-29 (off and on prior to M) BD:12-20-17 (H said he had things to work out in his head) H moved out:3-4-18
