A fresh start? (probably not!)

[CW2017]

Hi all
a bit more more meat to report for once (instead of my usual witterings!) and I would really appreciate some feedback on strategies in going forward from you great people. Clearly there is a time gap with the UK here but if this thread is considered to be a goer for people seeking a "smoking gun" for confrontation, filing, or whatever, that would be marvellous. I hope this post doesn't come across as a mass of contradictions. Have been doing a lot of thinking recently and I have realised how similar Steve85 's sitch is to my own although I am I guess a year further down the road.

Finding it all to be such a dilemna although this may appear more clearcut to others. I guess I will now have to instigate a crisis, based on the following recent events:
(a) the discovery of evidence of usage of erotic lingerie which I am highly unlikely to ever benefit from seeing (due to the accidental nature of its discovery this would not be suitable for a confrontation).
(b) so on the day in question I examined the car dashcam and, surprise, surprise, no data recorded for that day.
(c) so I then examine (in a quiet moment and at an appropriate time) her maps timeline. This could be a massive coincidence (hmm) as this software is notorious for missing routes if the GPS resolution isn't set high enough but the only route lodged for that day was a single trip to here from the branch of a well known hotel chain. There were definitely diversions on her motorway home commute that day and the reroute would have taken her past that hotel where a major phone mast exits but....com'on. But if the hotel isn't what it seems to be I would be highly surprised if it's not full PA after all this time.

I am, however, reluctant to do anything just yet as we have the big family event of my daughter's first communion coming up plus we are due to go away for a week for the Spring half term week with family friends. I can certainly string this along and play the role of a model husband for as long as needs be, on a tactical basis (my IC certainly thinks I am strong enough for this). I certainly don't feel as dumbstruck by these new revelations as I might have been a year ago. Nevertheless it will still feel absolutely awful to pull the plug should the need arise.

Although I care (worry) a lot less about the sitch and what my wife is getting up to per se as it is course out of my hands ("detaching" to the extent of not phone snooping since last June) I am still lamenting what has happened to our relationship and "best friendship" after nearly 28 years. If you could see us together it would not make sense at all (a family member commented on our closeness over Easter). As stated in other threads I will likely never understand that, while she may have no respect for me after all this time, she can also have no respect for her family unit. Never. We are so tuned to each other these days and I certainly know when she is being manipulative so, at least the bulk of the time, she is definitely genuine (and we are fully intimate but, yeah, I know...). The way she looks at me when we hold each other, especially since we thrashed it out last year. I just don't get it. So she is either schizophrenic in that sense or is an Oscar worthy cake eating actor (I can only hope, if it is something like the former, deep down she doesn't detest me on a certain level as that is something awful to contemplate). Strangely enough I decided to start dating her in the first place because she seemed safe and possibly, dare I say, boring, compared with my previous major relationship where that particular person was definitely at the schizophrenic end of the spectrum. How ironic if she is now "bored" with her life. Have been thinking a lot also about Hoosjim's thread because I have been reexamining the past and I wouldn't be surprised if she was hard wired wayward because of her upbringing as there have been a lot of gray areas in the way she has interacted with the opposite sex previously. So if that's the case then there's a possibility of the existence of an OM production line over the years (although I have no way of knowing or proving this). Judging from when I used to phone snoop a year ago there is a huge element of lust involved here so any predatory side to the character could be a long standing latent one.

So I guess I will wait for a much better smoking gun and then tell her I am filing. She has always known that the next confrontation will be of the three strikes and she's out variety. Yet I would still ideally like to take her to the brink of divorce enough to burst her bubble, I really do. My staunch Catholic faith requires at the very least an option for forgiveness. Needless to say this time around she would definitely have to leave her job and cut contact with him. My concern, however, is that she is deeply in love still and, as Artista has intimated, I appear to pale in comparison. I know I can't "beat" the POS at the moment but that's never the point, is it?

Ultimately, though, it really is a question of practicalities. Firstly, the frail, elderly live in mother-in-law (MIL). She is still, unfortunately, a pocket battleship and in a way still rules her daughter with an iron fist (her control in the teenage years has clearly laid the ground for all this behaviour). Due to the family being Mediterranean in background, once the info is out there, it's out there and the MIL and the rest of the family will never, ever, let it go so in that respect I could not see a way back for the MR. At the same time I don't think filing on the quiet would work as the dynamics in the household would be tangible. So in that respect I would really have my work cut out as it will be hard enough without any external, persistent, interference. Secondly, and the main consideration. If we end up splitting, sell the house and take half each that would come nowhere near property prices in London and we would have to remain near my daughter's school so I really have no idea how to work that one (yet).

thank you for listening!