I agree with Steve, I don't think an exit affair is a kiss of death. I think they are actually pretty common. In my mind, if a WAS announces they want out and they aren't already having an A, they are essentially saying they want to have one. So, it makes sense that one would soon follow.

But, of course your point is quite valid--would you ever want to take him back after this? I understand what you mean about the whole thing feeling dirty. There are a lot of questionable moral violations going on and I think we all have experienced the feeling that our spouse isn't who we thought they were. It's an unsettling, disturbing piece of the mess.

Can you elaborate on what you mean by it changing your goals? Are you saying because you are no longer sure you want him back, your goal may not be to recon or are you referring to other life goals in general?

M: 26 W: 26
M: 1.5 T: 3
No kids
BD: 31 March 2018

W's affair began: 23 March 2018
Affair confirmed: 18 April 2018
Confrontation/claims she ended A: 14 May 2018
Ended in-house separation: July 2018