I'm so sorry to hear how things have gone in your MR. What are the ages of you and your W?

Your W obviously loves you, but it doesn't appear that she's getting much encouragement from her family, her in-laws, or even her H.......that I can see at this point. What else (other than try those meds that did not work) have you done in the past six years that showed her you were being proactive in finding help with the ED?

You mentioned a couple of times how you cuddle, fondle, and massage her head........but have you done anything else sexually? I mean, if you can't get an erection, you could sexually stimulate and satisfy her in other ways.

I realize this is a sensitive subject, but I want to ask several questions to better understand. Did you have erection issues before the wedding?

Please don't feel I am being insulting. I am simply trying to find out more of what has happened these past six years. What did the doctor suggest after you reported that the meds did not help?

Did you see a sex therapist?

Were you ever sexually molested? Sorry, if I'm being too direct, and you don't have to answer my questions, if you'd rather not.

Were you addicted to porn before getting married?

My H and I married young and were virgins. The wedding night went fine, considering that both of us were shy and knew very little about sex. But the next morning he could not perform, and I didn't understand. The situation continued for two or three weeks. If I had been more knowledgable, and/or if we had not been so timid......it would not have lasted that long. It was long enough, however, for me to know if a couple doesn't turn to professional help........the MR is going to be on very shaky ground. It doesn't matter how much cuddling or other forms of affection are shown.......if there is not some type of sexual pleasure and physical union, then the couple will likely become roommates. Both spouses feel frustrated, hurt, resentful, etc. You have to give her more intimacy than she would get from a "friend".

This is not an easy situation for couples who have been M for a long time. In your case, I think there's something you aren't telling us............or else you have been very passive about this entire sex starved MR. Don't misunderstand and think I am blaming you or finding fault for having ED. I am not. I am asking what else have you tried, in seeking help for the problem.......and to have sexual intimacy in the MR?

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The part about the family and in-laws getting involved and making things worse for the couple........is sad, but often very true. If her family has negative feelings for you, then they influence her......and she gets more resentful, as a result. If your family cannot accept her and treat her with some measure of kindness.......or if she cannot show them respect.......the only hope I see would be to move away from both families. But that wouldn't really solve the problem. It just puts a little distance from them. Some families just cannot blend......and the couple has to decide who takes priority. I'll give you a hint......it's neither family.

What can you do to show your W things would be different in the relationship if she decides to not get a divorce?

The one part on her list I question is her concern that you have snooped on her devices. Has this been a problem in the past? Has she behaved inappropriately with another man.........or have you been insecure and snooped to see if she was cheating?

I hope you'll come back and post every chance you get.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!