My wayward wife and I are still living under the same roof, but sleeping in different beds. We're getting along well, but she seems more distant lately.
She's doing that to prepare you for separation. She thinks if she's cold and distant that eventually you'll get on board with S too. DO NOT pursue her. Give her as much time and space as you reasonably can while under the same roof.
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Currently, we're supposed to be "trying" to work on our relationship together. That means she isn't supposed to be contacting the other man, she is considering going to therapy, and we're actively reading the Love Date (but she's not necessarily practicing it).
Translation- you are trying and she is not.
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However, her distance along with some shady behavior have me nervous as hell.
It should, because she is two feet out the door. You've got a long road ahead, you're just getting started.
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And I offered my ideas -- fixing window shades in our house and a nice night out together.
You need to quit all pursuit. No dates, no long talks, no phone calls, no texting. Don't be cold or rude, but treat her like a neighbor, not a love interest. I know your mind is telling you that it's the right thing to do, but it's not. It is PRESSURE and right now she wants zero pressure.
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Do I maybe just keep doing what I've been doing? Provide service while I can and demonstrate my positive changes as much as I'm allowed? Or do I pull back somehow?
Pull back. Are you familiar with the pursuit/ distance dynamic? There is a lot of info out there, but in a nutshell- you pursue, she distances. You distance, she pursues. It's complicated in a WAS scenario because WAS's will not pursue so much as temp check, but the point being the more you pursue the more she retreats behind her walls. The harder you pursue the faster she runs.
