No more denial, time to get to work

[MRay]

I've been thinking about how to stop dwelling, and I have come up with a plan. Every day after the kids go to bed and W and I go to our separate rooms, I'm going to spend 5 minutes, and only 5 minutes, thinking about that day and what happened. After the 5 minutes are up I'll say something like, "oh well", and there is no more dwelling on what has happened. and get busy with some sort of project (basically me time stuff). I'm hoping that giving myself some brief, scheduled time to dwell on things will allow me to be free the rest of the day to throw that impulse aside and move past it without worry. I'm also hoping that eventually I'll stop wanting to think and analyze things before the 5 minutes are up. Thus shrinking this time eventually to nothing.

W has been pretty friendly and talkative the last couple evenings. We were playing with S3 last night and smiling and laughing together as the three of us played together. She says she is choosing to be happy. I'm taking that at face value and don't want to analyze it any further as that is a rabbit hole that won't help me at all. Her IC session was cancelled last night as the IC has the flu. It's been rescheduled for next week. I am continuing to GAL and focusing on myself. I don't think I've ever been so motivated in my workouts, and I've been connecting with my family a lot more recently. My sisters are 10+ years older than me, so I have never been really close with them, but I'm trying a lot more now.

I have a question I'd like some input on. I am as close to W's family as my own, if not closer. W says she doesn't mind me continuing doing things like taking the kids to see her grandparents or texting with her dad about the basketball game. She was going to visit her family a couple weekends ago and she invited me to come along (we used to go see them almost every weekend, but we haven't gone together since separating). I did and I had a great time playing games with them and the kids, and cooking dinner for everybody. W was clearly not having a good time. She laid on the couch sleeping/pouting. She said the next day she was depressed and didn't like faking that we are okay. Her parents know we are separated and considering D (they also know W is the one that wants this), so it's not like we were hiding anything or acting like we were together. I've decided I will not be around her family with her present even if she invites me to come along. What does everybody think about me still interacting with them at all?

Some background. Her grandparents are both very near the ends of their lives (major health problems), and W is avoiding her grandma so she doesn't take the kids to see them. The reason W is avoiding her is because they are very close, she thinks I am the greatest thing since sliced bread, and W doesn't want to disappoint her (she doesn't know about our problems). They love seeing their great grandkids, and I want my kids to have some memories of them before they are gone.

W has always been very close with her dad, but they have grown distant the last couple years. He views me as the son he never had (he has said this before, and he is not the type to share any feelings). Since he found out about our separation he hasn't said anything about it, but it has clearly upset him. He has been very friendly with me and we laugh and have a great time together, but he avoids W and doesn't talk to her much.

I don't want to use these people to try to influence my wife, but I can see it coming off that way. I see them as people that I am close to and will always have a relationship with because of my kids. Our families know each other. They live in the same small town away from us, and when I visit my parents I drive right past her parents and grandparents houses. It's natural to stop and let them see the kids for a while before making it out to my destination. My core values tell me to stop. So how would you suggest handling this?