First, let me say that you have shown incredible strength through all of this and now continue to do so even as the blows keep coming. I have no doubt that you will not stoop to his level and you are capable of handling this in the best way possible, with the help of all the great advice found here.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
No, I will not stoop to his level. First, I am not getting into any relationship just to spite him or to make the process of dissolving the marriage emotionally easier for me. What he is doing right now is insanity - pure and simple. I'm not hopping on to that roller coaster. He has literally latched himself onto the first available woman. I will not be doing the same by clinging to the first man who seems interested.
I need time to think about what I want out of a partner. I want relative stability and independence before I see anyone again because I do not want it to be a desperate "I need a lifeline" relationship.
Moreover, I live with his folks. It would be incredibly wrong of me to do anything that would betray their trust in me. I cannot do that.
Finally, the messages he sent to me that I saved are admissible in court, unlike a hidden recording, for example. Yes, we are in a no-fault divorce state, but they do give me leverage for what I can get in a settlement. They also give me leverage if time comes when I decide that I need to talk to his command and have him removed from our house. That leverage disappears if I start an affair and he finds evidence of it.
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He is just sinking further to his rock bottom. You are right, this affair is completely illogical. They usually are. If I was a betting man, I'd be willing to wager this relationship does not last through his deployment. Long distance relationships are extremely hard to maintain, especially when they have no foundation. Not that any of this really matters, but the point is it's just another distraction for him to run away from reality and his problems.
Actually, our relationship started out as a long-distance relationship. And since I am "not fun to be around anymore," it makes me wonder what he's trying to re-live.
I'm not sure I care whether it lasts that long or not. I have my doubts that it will. I also have my doubts that when the time comes she will drop everything and come out here to make a home for the two of them.
I'm not sure what her base access privileges are, but I will be changing locks the day after he leaves. Just in case.
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Stay strong and make sure you do what you need to protect yourself. Continue to maintain boundaries and maintain your dignity, be the better person. As I mentioned before, he is walking a fine line if he is willing to commit adultery and arm you with a written statement of intent. Go to the Air Force base, they will help you out (my W is Air Force).
I will. I was planning to do that on the 18th, but since I am not coming home that weekend, it will have to wait till after the finals.
Also, if I play my cards right, I will have a saved text message from him confirming that they have slept together. I have no wish to ruin his career and I do not intend to be vindictive, but I do need to take steps to protect myself. This is one of those steps.
Me: 28 H: 30 T: 9 M: 7
WAH: First half of 2017. Round 2 started in Spring 2018.
