MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART VI

[ItHurts]

Hi Guys! Hi SANDI!!!!!!!

Well Stander, if WAW started pursuing me I would act like I was real busy but "squeeze" her in somewhere. In reality I'd be doing the Snoopy dance in private! Maybe she will who knows?

I sure hope you're right Steve!! It would be immensely awesome to R but we'll see. It seems I'm far away from that still.


Yes the pain the first few months is simply hell...hopeless...it just devastates you. But you will survive and soon you'll look back at it without that hopeless pain. Now don't get me wrong here, I've realized that I do indeed still love my WAW. I knew that back then. But instead of leaving that love behind, I still want to carry it with me. It's almost like when you Lisa someone to death...it initially devastates you, but eventually you just get used to it, like a new normal where you still love them but you just get used to life without them. Once you get past that devouring initial pain, you realize that we humans are indeed creatures of habit...we naturally adapt and get used to things.

But yes, I still love my WAW very much and will always hope for R but I must say... even after 4 years since that last time I laid eyes on her ( which is documented somewhere in this 5-part thread in the summer 2014 entries) I wasn't as blown away seeing her again in the way I envisioned it would be at times over the past 4 years. It was great, but I didn't feel weak. I looked great, exuded confidence, etc. This was IT to me! Time to show her how 4 years later, I'm pretty awesome. I mentioned that to her when she asked what happened with Mary...I said she didn't appreciate my awesomeness LOL!

Admittedly I was a bit taken aback by the "it probably wouldn't be healthy for either of us to talk every dsy" remark but I just blew that off because again, she can't threaten me with life without her this time...I already got that thanks. Personally I think she knows damned well that if she spends any extended period of time with me she's going to fall for me again...and she doesn't want to. Just my theory. I think after two years of NC, NC is pretty much done so I might send her a text in a week or so. Just a sentence to make her laugh. Nothing more. He'll, I'm single, she's single, she's local, and of course I know she still loves me.

Anyway I hope newbies read my history here...I've updated every time something WAW related happened so my story is pretty detailed if I recall. I truly hope it helps people, without this message board, I would've been lost. I look back and remember how many hours I would spend here... passing time to heal was important. I love all these people here...very special to me as they were my guide to the light back when it was so brutally, painfully dark in the months after the bomb was dropped.

Of course I will keep everyone posted and welcome any advice on my new situation.