Whatever this OW is you dont care. Why she is doing what she is doing is not of any concern to you.
Give your H all the space he needs. Is the home he refer to the marital home if so, it belongs to the both of you. Seems to me like he is trying to bully you out the M. Stop talking and responding to him. Cut off all communication.
You are doing a good job so far. You seem to have the concept down, about saving yourself.
Find some hobbies to do besides just going to school. Look on meetup.com for some activities happening in the local area.
Well, Joe, here's the thing - I get to be angry. He's been texting this harlot for 3 weeks and now he's decided that he's going to build a life with her? I know his texts say that he'll see how it goes, but I know him well enough to tell that he is ready to jump into this relationship head first.
That said, I have not lashed out at him. Nor will I. Right now it is about me and what is best for me. And what is best for me is to put on a happy face and drag this out until I can stand on my own two feet. Then I will decide what I want to happen.
Yes, he is referring to our marital home. We are renting on post. I am not sure how much this matters. I need to go talk to an attorney who knows something about these matters. That will have to wait until I'm back home. There is an Air Force Base near by - I will go there, I think. I don't want to use Army JAG only to have it get back to him that I have been seeking legal advice.
Now, I would love your opinion on something. The things that I listed in my post to you - do you agree with this course of action?
Me: 28 H: 30 T: 9 M: 7
WAH: First half of 2017. Round 2 started in Spring 2018.
Almost forgot! I have been using MeetUps quite enthusiastically and recommending the app to other people. Problem is that right now is exam crunch time - I really don't have much time for anything other than school.
I do still exercise, and I live with my in-laws who are lovely and wonderful people. His mom would be crushed if she knew what he is about to do.
His sister tried texting him about coming over to see him this weekend. He never replied to her. The way he treats everyone who loves him... it's disgusting. He's chasing a high with people he barely knows.
I have no wish to stalk this woman or to find out what she looks like. I am repulsed by her. I know myself well and I know that being in the same position, I would never pursue a relationship like this - I deserve better and I have been raised to do better by other people.
But no, I am not stewing in my own juices. I went and got an hour-long massage just now. I'll live. I have to.
Me: 28 H: 30 T: 9 M: 7
WAH: First half of 2017. Round 2 started in Spring 2018.
I wouldn't stay away from my marital home. If he wants to pursue some gal, by all means be my guest. But if I want to come home, I will... He can leave for the week or weekend... Why should you have to stay away from your home? Why is he calling the shots? And no way is it acceptable for him to use your joint cc to pay for ow's plane ticket... and I find it hard to believe he was not involved with this OW longer than 3 weeks...
I wouldn't stay away from my marital home. If he wants to pursue some gal, by all means be my guest. But if I want to come home, I will... He can leave for the week or weekend... Why should you have to stay away from your home? Why is he calling the shots? And no way is it acceptable for him to use your joint cc to pay for ow's plane ticket... and I find it hard to believe he was not involved with this OW longer than 3 weeks...
I checked the phone record and the credit card record. He's telling the truth as far as I can see.
I also don't see how I have a choice. What should I do? Come down there and make a scene? That will just drive him closer to her. Also, it will make sure that we divorce sooner than later and that I'm out on my a$$ before I can graduate or get a job.
I need to talk to a lawyer before I throw anyone out.
Me: 28 H: 30 T: 9 M: 7
WAH: First half of 2017. Round 2 started in Spring 2018.
First, let me say that you have shown incredible strength through all of this and now continue to do so even as the blows keep coming. I have no doubt that you will not stoop to his level and you are capable of handling this in the best way possible, with the help of all the great advice found here.
He is just sinking further to his rock bottom. You are right, this affair is completely illogical. They usually are. If I was a betting man, I'd be willing to wager this relationship does not last through his deployment. Long distance relationships are extremely hard to maintain, especially when they have no foundation. Not that any of this really matters, but the point is it's just another distraction for him to run away from reality and his problems.
Stay strong and make sure you do what you need to protect yourself. Continue to maintain boundaries and maintain your dignity, be the better person. As I mentioned before, he is walking a fine line if he is willing to commit adultery and arm you with a written statement of intent. Go to the Air Force base, they will help you out (my W is Air Force).
M: 26 W: 26 M: 1.5 T: 3 No kids BD: 31 March 2018
W's affair began: 23 March 2018 Affair confirmed: 18 April 2018 Confrontation/claims she ended A: 14 May 2018 Ended in-house separation: July 2018
Base housing belongs to the spouse/dependant. He has to leave before you have 2. You have more rights to that house than he does.
I technically know that. What I do not know is how long I have. I expect to have a contested divorce, if it comes to that. Then again, he... he doesn't hate me. He trusts me and he is incredibly attached to me, actually, and that is where a lot of his anger is coming from. He may just let me have everything I ask for. But then what? I'd still be divorced before I am ready.
He is going overseas in a month and a half. They will likely only have this one interlude. I have very little that I can or have to stop right now. I cannot stop them sleeping together when she comes over and any attempt to do so will only encourage it, so, why jeopardize my position?
Now, if he wants to shack up with her when he comes back, I will kick him out. He will not be allowed to return to that house even for a minute. She can go ahead and arrange the apartment for him while he's gone. After all, I did all those things before. Why can't she? At that point, I will be close enough to graduation to make my demands.
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If you want to keep the piece while you finish then I would do that.
Yes, I think I do. I do not want to allow him to remember me in a negative light as he goes. Also, the more he trusts me, the more control I have over our joint finances. He has made no move to freeze me out or to disentangle our lives in any meaningful way. Hell, he's made no effort to end my general power of attorney. I will not push him to take those steps before I am ready.
And on that account, I really need your advice. Am I right in deciding that I should not be dropping him off for his deployment takeoff? Am I right in deciding not to write him or send him care packages when he is overseas?
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Lay out your plan and move forward.
Working on it! -)
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How was your massage?
Fabulous! I had a lot of tension in my shoulders. Some of it has been worked out. I'm going back again next week. -)
Me: 28 H: 30 T: 9 M: 7
WAH: First half of 2017. Round 2 started in Spring 2018.
First, let me say that you have shown incredible strength through all of this and now continue to do so even as the blows keep coming. I have no doubt that you will not stoop to his level and you are capable of handling this in the best way possible, with the help of all the great advice found here.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
No, I will not stoop to his level. First, I am not getting into any relationship just to spite him or to make the process of dissolving the marriage emotionally easier for me. What he is doing right now is insanity - pure and simple. I'm not hopping on to that roller coaster. He has literally latched himself onto the first available woman. I will not be doing the same by clinging to the first man who seems interested.
I need time to think about what I want out of a partner. I want relative stability and independence before I see anyone again because I do not want it to be a desperate "I need a lifeline" relationship.
Moreover, I live with his folks. It would be incredibly wrong of me to do anything that would betray their trust in me. I cannot do that.
Finally, the messages he sent to me that I saved are admissible in court, unlike a hidden recording, for example. Yes, we are in a no-fault divorce state, but they do give me leverage for what I can get in a settlement. They also give me leverage if time comes when I decide that I need to talk to his command and have him removed from our house. That leverage disappears if I start an affair and he finds evidence of it.
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He is just sinking further to his rock bottom. You are right, this affair is completely illogical. They usually are. If I was a betting man, I'd be willing to wager this relationship does not last through his deployment. Long distance relationships are extremely hard to maintain, especially when they have no foundation. Not that any of this really matters, but the point is it's just another distraction for him to run away from reality and his problems.
Actually, our relationship started out as a long-distance relationship. And since I am "not fun to be around anymore," it makes me wonder what he's trying to re-live.
I'm not sure I care whether it lasts that long or not. I have my doubts that it will. I also have my doubts that when the time comes she will drop everything and come out here to make a home for the two of them.
I'm not sure what her base access privileges are, but I will be changing locks the day after he leaves. Just in case.
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Stay strong and make sure you do what you need to protect yourself. Continue to maintain boundaries and maintain your dignity, be the better person. As I mentioned before, he is walking a fine line if he is willing to commit adultery and arm you with a written statement of intent. Go to the Air Force base, they will help you out (my W is Air Force).
I will. I was planning to do that on the 18th, but since I am not coming home that weekend, it will have to wait till after the finals.
Also, if I play my cards right, I will have a saved text message from him confirming that they have slept together. I have no wish to ruin his career and I do not intend to be vindictive, but I do need to take steps to protect myself. This is one of those steps.
Me: 28 H: 30 T: 9 M: 7
WAH: First half of 2017. Round 2 started in Spring 2018.
So, from everything I've read so far, this smells like an exit affair. Not much hope here - there is little chance that he will want to reconcile and return to the marriage. His new relationship isn't likely to last either, but what's that to me?
Anyone have any advice/information regarding exit affairs?
Me: 28 H: 30 T: 9 M: 7
WAH: First half of 2017. Round 2 started in Spring 2018.
