Help evaluating LRT progress

[Olya]

Olya,

I'm sorry to hear the news. It's crushing news. Keep posting, listen and use the advice here.

Thank you. I will.

The faster you pick yourself up and starting DBing the better chance you have at saving your M and yourself.

Right now, I want to save myself. If he ever wants me back, he will have to come crawling and there will be a lot of making up to do. But yes, DBing seems to be the way to get either or both of those things. So, I will keep doing that.

Now on to your H. What does he mean by if, "you come home this weekend he will D you sooner"? In other words he's planning on D you but you have time if you don't show up. That statement is him wanting his cake and eating as well. Sooner, really!!!

He already told me that he wants a divorce. He is staying with me until I finish school and start working. He calls it a "contract marriage."

It's time for you to detach, let him go. Give him space. I know those statements are hard to hear. The faster you move out his way and work on your side the street, the faster you get to healing.

I have. I told him to do whatever he wants and have fun. He promised that no one else will sleep or have sex in our bed. If it comes to that, apparently, they'll go to a hotel.

Stop cooking his food. Stop calling, texting and answering his phone calls. Stop being a convient option for him. He needs to feel what it is like losing you.

I stopped that the day he asked for a divorce.

After today, a few other things will change.

1. He will have to make all of his own arrangements.

2. Any use of credit stops - if he wants a divorce, all our joint liabilities must be resolved beforehand. He will have to make due on $400 a paycheck.

3. His phone will get cancelled before he deploys. If he wants to have a relationship with this woman, she can take out a line for him and pay the international premiums.

4. He will be taking himself to the air field when it's time for him to go. He will also have to make arrangements about his car or whatever other means of transportation he plans to use.

5. There will be no e-mails, texts, care packages, or anything else from me when he is overseas. She can do that for him.

Read up on detachment. Reread it. Don't beat yourself up. This pricess is hard and it takes time.

I'm not. If I am not fun, then he can go find someone who is. The thing about fun is that someone has to take on the responsibilities of day-to-day life. Is he ready to do that? Is she?

You are an awesome woman. Treat yourself as such. Respect yourself and love yourself. We all have been where you are at and felt the crushing feeling you are feeling.

Thank you.

I had some time to think since I posted this.

And I only have one question: What kind of woman is this!?

So, apparently, she understands our situation and that we will remain married for at least another year and a half. Tack on the time it takes to actually get a divorce, and you're looking at half way through 2020 at the earliest.

Now, what does this mean for her?

This means that he has some serious financial obligations.

This means that he is invested enough in his marriage to continue being there for his spouse in some very substantial ways.

He has already told her and his other friends that they will be sleeping on the recliners when they come over - our bed is off limit.

He began talking to her one week after he announced that he wants a divorce. We're not even legally separated. In the span of 3 weeks, she has put herself in the picture, is talking about moving in with him, and is "accepting of the whole situation"?

Also, she works with the DoD at his old duty station. How is she envisioning moving in with him? Does she think she's guaranteed a transfer here? Does she think that she will leave her job and he will be able to support two families?


Dear GOD! LORDY! He went looking for a mistress at a mental infirmary! I feel disgusted by this woman. No, I did not call her a "whore" to him, but that is what she is in a nutshell - a desperate and stupid whore.